Wilys Warriors - Episode 9 - Anything for the Fanatics

by Heat Man

Narrator: Downtown Megalopolis, The Olsen Twins are in their TweenKiller™ mech destroying lives and property. The only thing standing in their way is the…

Crowd: Sinister Six?

Narrator: No…

Crowd: Mecha Maniacs?

Narrator: Oh good lord no…

Starnik: (Fires a pair of Quick Boomerangs) You know guys we really new to get a PR manager.

Crash: (Gets thrown back by a missile) We could always do some charity work to get our… (Gets blasted again) YARGH!

Olsen Twins: Surrender Wilys Warriors you know you can't stand against the mighty Olsen Empire!

Koala: Never!

Pharon: For we are!

Koala and Pharon: THE MARSUPIAL BROTHERS!

Pharon unleashes a whirlwind tilting the mech off balance while Koala summons his leaves and hurls them at the mech puncturing the mech's armor. Pointy dashes in and aims a metal blade at the mech's leg and let's her rip. Sawing off the leg; mech's balance gyros can't compensate and the mech falls on it's back helpless as a newborn.

Olsen Twins: Impossible! They beat us, they shall pay! (Presses a button and the cockpit flies off)

Pointy: (Looking up) Cripes got away.

Starnik: Don't they all? Not like they are a serious threat anyway.

Koala: I'm hungry.

Pharon: I'm thirsty, let's go home.

Starnik: (Grumbles) I still say we need a PR manager.

Narrator: And so after a rather brief but still grueling battle with the Olsen Twins the Warriors kickback at their home in the suburbs, the majority of the team sits in the den watching reality TV and eating junk food while Crash and Starnik talk about getting some much needed publicity.

Starnik: This bites! Gauntlet and his team takes all the publicity and leaves us with dinky little scraps.

Crash: May I remind you that half their publicity is bad publicity?

Starnik: We need a PR manager.

Crash: We can't afford it. We spent that last of the Marsupial Bros. treasure on fixing up this old dump.

Starnik: This place isn't a dump! >_<

(Ben walks through the back door, cursing under his breath.)

Crash: Speak of the devil…

Starnik: Where were you while we battled the Olsen Twins. The bar?

Heat: (Opens the fridge and takes out a Molson) Starnik, I swear I'm gonna shove this bottle up your…

Crash: Eh, none of that right now. Where were you?

Heat: (Growls) Fighting my way outta Skull Castle.

Starnik: So that's why you didn't return from the bar last…

Heat: SHUT UP STARNIK! >_< Bass knocked me out and dragged me to Skull Castle. When I woke up I blasted my way out and came back here. I still have a killer hangover.

Starnik: Ben, you can tell us. You do have a drinking problem, don't you?

Heat: Grrrrrr… THAT'S IT YOU DIE! (Leaps on Starnik and punches him) I'M GONNA RIP YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF!

Starnik: ACK! (Choke) …little help please!

Toasta: (Runs up the stairs) Starnik! Crash! (Looks at Ben) …Ben?

Heat: (Keeps strangling Starnik) I'm busy!

Crash: (Pulls Ben off of Starnik) That's enough Ben. What it Toasta?

Toasta: We're on Entertainment Today!

Starnik and Crash: WHAT?! 0_0

Heat: Meh…

Starnik: Finally the publicity we deserve is coming!

(Toasta, Starnik and Crash run downstairs)

Heat: (Picks up the beer bottle) Whatever kudos we get will fade in a week I bet. (Looks around the empty kitchen) Just why am I talking to myself? (Pops the cap and chugs down the beer)

(Meanwhile downstairs)

TV: This is Entertainment Today I'm Geri Pancreas…

???: And I'm Slob Joanne.

Geri: On the top of our news, twin sensations and part-time megalomaniacs Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were again beaten by Wily Warriors in Megalopolis. We were unable to get a statement from them at press time.

Slob: Meanwhile while the Olsen Twin's popularity is on the wane their mortal enemies Wilys Warriors have been making leaps and bounds with this latest victory.

Geri: In a recent poll when asked who their favorite super team, Wilys Warriors took 64% of the vote while their closest rivals were the inactive Sinister Six with 25% and the Mechanical Maniacs taking a disappointing 8%.

Starnik: Yes! Finally the public loves us!

Crash: Hold on Starnik, they only surveyed hundreds of people…

Koala: Who cares?! The TV says we're famous now!

Pharon: We could be invited to Hollywood premieres…

ShadowBlade: Murray could meet Steve Irwin… again.

Starnik: We will get a ton of cash!

Crash: You still have to work…

Starnik: (Groans) Screw that then…

(Door bells rings)

Pointy: Anyone want to get that?

Everyone: BEN!

(Upstairs)

Heat: (Grumbles as he walks to the front door) Damn lazy… (Opens the door and finds two oddly dressed people) Sorry, I don't want to join your religion, buy your vacuum cleaner, take a survey or make a donation. Goodbye. (Slams door)

Crash: (Walks into the foyer) Who was that Ben?

Heat: Beats me, a couple of hippies?

Crash: (Sighs and opens the door) Hello?

Fan #1: Ohmygod!ohmygod!ohmygod! It's him, it's him!

Crash: Yeah… it's me?

Fan #2: I'm Kris and she's Chrissy and we've been your biggest fans for like… five minutes! (Glomps Crash)

Heat: Okay, you two freaks stay away from me.

Kris: (Lets go of Crash) Oh my god! He called us freaks, you hear that Chrissy?

Chrissy: I so did! (Squeals)

(They both squeal and jump around like hyperactive children)

Heat: That's it, these morons are toast! (Prepares to incinerate them)

Crash: (Pulls Ben back) No! We can't kill them.

Heat: Are you crazy?! They haven't been here more 30 seconds and they're driving me insane!

Crash: We'll have to put up with them in the meantime. After all how long can we stay popular?

The next morning…

The Warriors are at the table as Kris and Chrissy prepare a big breakfast for their heroes.

Chrissy: Here's my special pancakes… (Sets down a plate in front of Koala)

Koala: (Takes a bite) Whoa! These are the best pancakes I've ever had!

Pharon: Better than moms?

Koala: Oh yeah!

Kris: Who wants my chocolate chip and cinnamon muffins.

Warriors (except Ben): Me!

Toasta: This is so great, they're the best cooks ever!

ShadowBlade: (Buttering up a muffin) Yeah, only they could make chocolate and cinnamon taste good together.

Starnik: Let the good times roll!

Ben: (Grumbles) Yeah what and see…

Tuesday afternoon…

Kris: Hey ShadowBlade, Pointy can I have your autographs?

ShadowBlade: Heh, never thought anyone would want to have my autograph.

Pointy: Sure!

Kris: Hey Chrissy! Bring in the box!

(Chrissy comes in with a huge box full of hundreds of pieces of Warriors memorabilia)

Kris: We need you to autograph all that stuff.

Pointy: Oy! My hand's gonna ache in the mornin'.

Thursday morning…

Heat: Hey Starnik? Did you see my lucky Flames jersey with my name stitched on the back?

Starnik: Nope, can't say I've seen it.

Chrissy: I did!

Heat: (Shudders) Where… is… it…?

Chrissy: We sold it on Ebay last night for $1,200.

Heat: (Hydraulic vein pops) What?!

Chrissy: Well we found it in the laundry and thought you weren't using it so we sold it and used the money to buy more memorabilia for you to autograph…

ShadowBlade: (In the den) My hands! They're leaking!

Kris: (In the living room) Hey Chrissy let's go to the mall to get more Warriors stuff!

Chrissy: Right behind you! (Runs out)

Heat: That's it! They die! (Tries to run after them but is stopped by Starnik)

Starnik: Cool your jets Ben! You can always buy another!

Heat: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT JERSEY COST ME?!

Chrissy: (Comes back) Oh yeah and we sold your Gamecube too Starnik. (Runs off)

Starnik: Son of a… They are really starting to wear out their welcome.

Early Saturday morning…

Crash: (Wakes up from a nightmare) ARGH! (Pants and turns head) OH MY GOD! KRIS?!

Kris: Yeah?

Crash: What are you doing here?!

Kris: I wanted to see you sleep. Your snoring is so… soothing.

Crash: For the love of Wily… do you mind if I go freshen myself?

Kris: Not at all, I'll be waiting… (Licks her lips)

Crash: (Runs into the bathroom and locks the door)

Chrissy: (Walks in with a sandwich) I don't think he's coming back.

Kris: (Gets up) Let's go watch the Marsupial Brothers sleep.

Crash: (Runs cold water on his face) I can't go back, they'll watch me… maybe I'll use the tub as a bed… (Opens the towel closet and finds it empty) What the… (Opens the shower curtain)

Toasta: (Made a makeshift bed) Taken.

Crash: Dammit!

Monday afternoon, Ben's Warehouse/Steel Mill…

Starnik: You know why we're all here.

Toasta: Yeah, those creepy fans, I haven't gotten any sleep since Thursday night!

Heat: They stole what valuable stuff I don't keep here!

Koala: You think that's bad? They disconnected my leg and sold it on Ebay!

ShadowBlade: I need to have my hands repaired by Dr. Light because they've had me autograph 34, 761 items!

Starnik: So it's agreed that we want them gone?

Warriors: YES!

Pointy: Yeah but what do we do?

Heat: Kill them!

Starnik: May I remind you that murder is illegal?!

Toasta: Then let's hire a hit man!

Starnik: Don't have the cash…

Crash: Uh… guys? I have an idea that won't involve their bloody deaths.

Heat: Can we maim them anyway?

Crash: NO! These girls seem to be riding the wave of the week which as of right now is us…

Koala: Nice thought but we may be popular for a long time.

Pharon: I HATE BEING POPULAR! >_<

Crash: Not if we can help it. I have a plan that may take these problems off of our hands. Ben.

Heat: Yo?

Crash: Do you have any dirt on Geri Pancreas and/or Slob Joanne?

Heat: (Snickers) Like you wouldn't believe.

Crash: Perfect, now guys listen carefully…

Later that day, in the Warriors' Den

Chrissy: Cookies?

Kris: Punch?

Starnik: Yes please…

ShadowBlade: Say girls, you've been cooking up a storm lately. Why not sit down with us and watch Entertainment Today with us?

Kris and Chrissy: (Jump and sequel then sit beside Toasta and ShadowBlade)

TV: Today on Entertainment Today…

Geri: Looks like the Wilys Warriors are yesterday's news according to today's ET poll, the Mechanical Maniacs where voted as 'Most Popular Team' with an astonishing 92% of the votes…

Slob: Already they have secured major sponsorship deals and are starting a national goodwill tour later this month.

Toasta:  Hey Kris, I'm a little low on punch can you pour me a glass?

Kris: Do it yourself!

Toasta: What?

Kris: I said do it yourself you wash-up!

Starnik: Hey now! Just a few seconds ago you were fawning at us.

Chrissy: That was when you were 'in' now you're 'out'!

Kris: Come on Chrissy let's go find some 'real' heroes.

ShadowBlade: Your loss…

Kris and Chrissy: (Walk up the stairs and leave the Warriors' compound)

Starnik: Heh, worked like a charm. (Presses the open button on the DVD remote)

("Today's" Entertainment Today is replaced by the real Entertainment Today broadcast)

Geri: The Warriors popularity is stronger than ever as now there a offers to them about a lucrative…

Starnik: (Turns off the TV) Looks like your plan worked Crash.

Crash: Naturally trends are usually so fickle thus it would be easy to fool. However Ben what dirt did you have on Geri and Slob that would get them to cooperate with us so nicely.

Heat: Well, I won't tell you. Very, very kinky.

Crash: Fair enough, but I wonder how are the Mecha Maniacs going to take to two rabid fans?

ShadowBlade: Personally, I don't want to know…

(And so at the Ark)

Gauntlet: …and here's your autographs.

Kris and Chrissy: (Giggle and jump around)

Kris: Good, now we need all this stuff autographed. Chrissy?

Chrissy: (Drops the box full of hundreds of pieces of Mechs memorabilia) Here…

Gauntlet: Oy vey…

Snake: These cinnamon and chocolate chip muffins… they're divine.

Magnet: I'll say…

Hard: (Rolls in as a torso) Who took my limbs?!

Kris: Oh we sold them on Ebay to buy this… (Whistles and a truck back in, then unloads thousands of pieces of memorabilia.)

Gauntlet: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Needlegal: I get the feeling this is only the beginning.

Top: Well until we're all 'en passe' we are the Mecha Maniacs!

THE END