Wilys Warriors - Episode 4 -Go Get Your Funk On!

by Ben

Again a quiet morning at the Wilys Warriors compound, well sorta because Ben is outside to read the morning cartoons.

Heat: (Takes out the Megaopolis Daily Brass and reads the front page) Crash Man Impregnates 12 year old Temptress by Kwiken Exeter? Good grief… (Flips through the paper)

(Screams)

Heat: I get page 11?!? (Incinerates the newspaper) WHEN WILL I GET THE FREAKIN' FRONT PAGE?!?

Someone: Now that's it release the anger…

(Ben turns to find a director with a production crew)

Heat: Who the hell are you?

Someone: Oh my name is Eddie MacGregor and I'm the director of "The Real World: Megaopolis"…

Heat: Screw that! Why are you here?

Eddie: Well we had to choose the team and you're the up and coming…

Heat: You better run like you have never ran before…

Eddie: Why?

(Heat throws a fireball at the flowering pot)

Eddie: Uh oh…

(Meanwhile inside Starnik, Crash, Flash and Shadowblade have a cup of joe and decide to watch what's on)

Crash: Damn it Starnik quit channel surfing at superspeed!

Quick: How am I supposed to know what I want to watch?

Crash: You channel surf at normal speed?

Flash: (Snores)

Crash and Quick: . . .

Bubble: Guys, TV Guide recommends the latest incarnation of "The Real World: Megaopolis"

Crash: What?

Bubble: (Sigh) Why do I even bother?

Quick: No, wait, what's so special about this version?

Bubble: (Reads) It says, it's a Mega Man team but it has been the best kept secret on TV for six months… turn to Channel 1902

(Starnik and Crash look at each other)

Crash: Sure…

Quick: Why not?

Flash: (Snores)

(Starnik changes to Channel 1902, which the image of Eddie and crew fleeing catches the attention of the quartet)

Flash: (Snores)

Eddie: Can't we just talk about this… (panting) Damn it get the camera on that maniac!

(Camera swings around and reveals the attacker…)

Quick: Ben?

Crash: Oh great now they pissed him off…

(CRASH!)

(Crash looks back and sees Quick jumped out the window)

Crash: Oh great, now all we need is a ref and we get a WWE match… Shadow, quick! Get the hyper concentrated caff-e-cuno…

Bubble: Why?

Flash: (Snores)

Bubble: Oh him… (waddles into the kitchen)

(Meanwhile)

Heat: GET OFF OUR PROPERTY!

(Starnik fires a Boomerang attracting Ben's attention)

Quick: Ben, stop it!

Heat: Get out of my way Starnik!

Quick: No, you can't hurt these guys…

Heat: GET OUT OF MY WAY!

(Back inside)

Bubble: Here's what the bomber ordered….

Crash: Great let's hope this works… (Pours a drop of Hyper-Concentrated Caff-o-cuno on Flash's tongue)

Flash: (Gets up eyes bloodshot) Heyit'sawonderfuldayI'mjustgonnagonnagooutsideandplay! (Jumps out the window)

Bubble: It worked a little too well didn't it?

Crash: Now that's an understatement…

Flash: Oohit'sBenandStarnikmaybetheywanttoplayFlash'n'GoSeekwithmehuh?Huh?Huh? (Uses Time Stopper)

(All is still for a few seconds until…)

(BAM!)

Quick: …can not threaten people like thi… (Looks around) Hey! Ben's missing…

Flash: ReadyornotBenhereI… (faints) (Snores)

Quick: Okay…

(Crash and Shadow run outside)

Bubble: Where did Ben go?

Quick: I could ask the same question…

Eddie: Hello gentlemen, how does it feel to be on live television?

Bubble: Television?

Eddie: Yep, Coast to coast…

Bubble: Oh… my… god…  (Faints)

Elsewhere in the deepest void that is the Netherverse home of… well you'll see…

Heat: It's pretty drab here… and musty…

???: Well after 15 billion years you can't expect this place to be spic and span…

Heat: Who the?

???: I am the Nth*  multiversal guardian… welcome to my humble abode Ben…

(*Not Gate [as mentioned in New X-Force #20], the real Nth!)

Heat: … ?

Wilys Warriors Compound…

Eddie: So how does it feel leading the greenest team in the Mega Man Community?

Quick: We'll keeping these guys under control is so hard you wouldn't…

(Crash Man comes in and grabs a coke)

Crash: Ah Bull, you're not the leader and everyone knows it…

Quick: And I suppose you can lead better?

Crash: I don't order people around, just make suggestions…

(Suddenly a distinct "die" can be heard from the Den, everyone rushes downstairs to see Koala pummeling Pharon.)

Eddie: This is too good to be true…

Wood: DIE!

Crash: EEP! What happened?

Metal: Pharon just beat Koala for the 124th time in Super Smash Brothers Melee!

Wood: He's cheating I tell…

Air: (Moan) No you just plain SUCK!

Wood: What if I shove my leaf shield up your…

Crash: Alright, Alright you two there's no need for fighting…

Air: He just sucks…

Metal: (sigh) When can we just have a nice game in piece these days?

Bubble: (sigh) Not with the Marsupial Brothers around…

Assistant Director: Hey Eddie! A pair of aliens are terrorizing downtown Technoville…

Eddie: Hurry… to the van…

(The production crew leaves in a mad dash)

Bubble: Hmmm… aren't we going to follow them?

Crash and Quick: Ummmmmm… nope….

Quick: Who needs a vehicle when you have flight rings! (Reveals a handful of rings)

Wood: Aw, Cool where did you get these from?

Quick: Ben's room, we found them in his secret stash…

Metal: (Fits his ring on his finger) What about when he finds out you stole his stuff…

Crash: That's his problem…

Flash: It'll be your problem when he tries to kill you…

Wood: (Starts to levitate) Whoa this is cool! (Shoots up right through the building)

Air: Follow that Wood Man! (Flies after him)

Nth's domain…

Heat: What the hell?!? I'm a reincarnation of some dead robot from 21XX? Isn't that supposed to be the other way around….

Nth: That's supposed to be the trick isn't it? Well the long story is that you are Magma Dragoon who led the X-Force, it wasn't long before your team was intermingling with others from 20XX however with that you attracted the attention of a bigger meanace known as Red.

(image of Red in the newly forming universe)

Nth: Since you were the Sinister Six's most powerful allies, Red had to be rid of you he used versions of you and the X-Force that he plucked from and Alternate Universe and eventually made the whole timeline collapse on itself.

(Cue Red laughing as 21XX collapses on itself)

Heat: (Snores)

Nth: WAKE UP!

Heat: (!) Oops sorry…

Nth: Now that 100 years of the timeline is a blindspot for me and time can now be changed, so if an extiction event happens…

Heat: It will have fatal repurrcussions on the multiverse, momma didn't raise no fool.

Nth: Yes complete destruction. I took the bio-sparks of your and your X-Force friends, your comrades are waiting to be reborn in 21XX in a new timeline while you Ben are going to take a little detour in destiny.

Heat: But I want to be an ass kicking reploid now!

Nth: YOU WILL BE! However you have a mission, and that is to make sure that Humanity survives to 2100, you're kinda like the Spirit of the 21st Century waiting to be reborn as the Spirit of the 22nd.

Heat: I'm some avatar of the centuries. Heh, ROCK ON!

Nth: So you accept your destiny?

Heat: What you expect me to whine about my responsibilities? Ha that is so cliché in the media these days.

Nth: Ah, touche. Well now that you understand everything I can send you on your way now… Ta ta…

(A portal opens and sucks Ben in)

Downtown Technoville

(Wilys Warriors land and see Toejam and Earl hurling jars at everyone)

Toejam: You uncool humans, one of you has stolen our Funk…

(Earl hurls a couple jars which are blown to bits with dual Crash Bombers)

Earl: This is not rad…

Air: Who says rad anymore…

Metal: Not me…

Earl: More Earthlings, just more people blind to the ways of Funk…

Flash: Funk is dead Mork, just go back to Mindy and relive the early 1990's

Bubble: Uh… Mork and Mindy is from the 80's

Flash: SHUT UP!

Crash: Quiet you two, well you two um… gents look rational enough to me, what happened to you funk.

Toejam: Uh, this one loser earthling came to planet Funk and took our Funk and after our last adventure so we followed him back here.

Crash: See, no violence nessacary just…

Toejam: LOOK OUT!

(Wilys Warriors turn around)

Earl: Poodle Lady!

(Toejam and Earl hide in their spaceship)

Poodle Lady: Hmmmm? Wilys Warriors is back, that complicates things…

Poodles: Bark…

Crash: And why would that complicate matters?

Poodle Lady: Well you see I stole the funkiness of Planet Funk so I could power my own schemes and now that Wilys Warriors is back that threatens my plans.

Bubble: Uh, you shouldn't of told us that…

Poodle Lady: Why is that?

Wood: Cripes lady you're so stupid!

Air: You just told us what you did…

Poodle Lady: Ah touche, but I can't let you live. You know that?

Air: Why not huh?

(The poodles transform into the Dragon and the Gutsdozer)

Warriors: (!)

Poodle Lady: You see I'm not the Poodle Lady you'll find in Toejam and Earl 2 but much rather I'm…

(The Poodle Lady Transforms into…)

Alien Wily: Alien Wily! Dragon! Gutsdozer! Destroy them!

Gutsdozer: Ku-hush Wile-ly's Warreorss! (Smashes fists into the ground creating shockwaves)

Quick: Okay team we need to divide and conquer Crash, Metal, Bubble you take the Gutsdozer…

(Quick sees everyone's doing their own thing)

Quick: (Sigh) We need some…. (gets smacked by the Dragon's tail)

Crash: (Launches Crash Bomber at the Gutsdozer's threads) That should disable him…

Alien Wily: Idiots! Work together!

(The Dragon lets loose a blast of fire which scatters the team)

(Koala and Pharon charge at Alien Wily)

Alien Wily: How pathetic… (Jumps)

Wood: Get out of the way!

Air: You're telling me…

CRASH!

(Alien Wily changes to Wood Man and fires leaf shield into Pharon then turns to Heat Man and blasts Koala with Atomic Fire)

Wood and Air: ARGH!

Alien Wily: Pathetic, Crude where's your bravado you weaklings…

???: It's up your ass, ass…

Alien Wily: (?)

(A fireball knocks himself right into Alien Wily smashing into a building…)

Alien Wily: Ben?

Heat: Talk to the foot! (Kicks AW in the face)

Quick: (Comes to) Ben? Bout time you came!

Heat: Shut up and help me pummel this guy!

Crash: Finally some real leadership! (Stares at Quick)

Quick: I'll take care of the village idiots if you need me…

Alien Wily: (Blasts Ben off) you fools! With this funk I'm unstoppable!

Bubble: (Uses Bubble Lead)

(Bubble Lead bounces off)

Alien Wily: Now face my awesome powers!

(Alien Wily Blasts the Warriors with an Atomic Blast)

Heat: (Sees Life Virus wearing one of his flught rings) You took my rings?

Metal: No that was um… (points to Alien Wily)

Heat: You prick!

Alien Wily: Oy?

Heat: YOU STOLE MY FLIGHT RINGS!

Alien Wily: You accuse me of…?

(Ben starts to glow)

Alien Wily: Oh crap…

(Ben explodes in a giant fireball knocking Alien Wily into the path of…)

Toejam: Man that's some funky light show…

Earl: Yeah so rad…

Alien Wily: (Kaff) What's his problem…

Earl: TJ is that the dude who stole the funk?

Toejam: Yes it is…

(Alien Wily tries to run but is nailed by a couple of Jars)

Toejam: Earthlings, really what's with you tryin' to destroy our funk?

Earl: Yeah, let's go home before the earthling's unfunkiness rubs off on us…

(Toejam and Earl board their vessel and leave Earth)

Wood: (Runs up to where the ship used to be) Hey!

Flash: And they never said good-bye!

Air: Otherwise this epilouge isn't as long as I thought should be…

Eddie: Well fellas, we got it all on tape. Awesome!

Wood: Really? Cause I thought Pharon sucked!

Air: At least I don't suck at Super Smash Bros. Melee!

Metal: Ouch…

Meanwhile on the issue of a leader…

Crash: Allez-op! (Picks up Ben)

Heat: Ow? What happened?

Crash: Blew up, Alien Wily was captured by TJ and Earl then AW's friends fled.

Quick: And I never thought you had charisma Ben, good job.

Heat: (Mutters) Yeah because I was Magma Dragoon.

Crash: Huh?

Heat: Never mind…

The next morning…

(Ben picks up the newspaper and flips through it)

Heat: What? "Koala and Pharon caught in lesbian affair" WHEN WILL I GET THE FRONT PAGE?!?

Eddie: Maybe when you get caught in the middle of lesbian romances…

Heat: RARGH!

(In the living room)

(Metal and Shadow are playing Super Smash Brothers Melee)

Metal: Ben's about to kill Eddie…

Bubble: Don't expect me to clean up this time…