Wily’s Warriors – Season 2 – Update Special
by
Flash Man
Starnik as Quick Man
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Darksage as Crash Man
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Ben as Heat Man
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Cyros as Flash Man
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Cinder as Bubble Man
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Naoshi as Metal
Man
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Shadowstrike as Air Man
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Iga as Wood Man
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(It’s been a few months since the last of the Warrior’s adventure, hasn’t it? Ever since they fought the Cyberdemon, there hasn’t been another account of any of their shenanigans. It would seem that those in charge of recounting their endeavors haven’t been keeping up with their so called “updates”. What could be keeping them from sharing the Warriors antics? And how long are we going to keep using variations of the word “adventure” to keep up with this speech? Perhaps our resident Writer may hold the answers...)
Jonathan: *sitting at his computer, listening the music, singing along* Stop! Take some time think! Figure what’s important to you! Stop! Take some time to think! Figure what’s important to you! Stop! Take some time to think! Figure what’s important to you! You gotta make a serious decision-
*knock-knock*
Jonathan: Huh? *takes off headphones* I thought I heard knocking.
(Jonathan, one of the Writers for Wily’s Warriors, gets out of his seat and opens his bedroom door.)
Jonathan: *peeks out* ...no one’s home. Everyone should still be out for the day. *scratches head* Mom was right. I’m listening to my music with the volume too high so much; I’m starting to hear things!
(He closes the door and turns around.)
Airman: Hi.
Jonathan: !!! HOLY CRAP-
Quickman: Grab him!
(Crashing is heard from the Writer’s bedroom as the scene fades to black. It fades back in with Jonathan in a daze, sitting in a recliner with a straight-jacket on.)
Jonathan: Agh... god damn it, my head... huh? Wha?
Crashman: Rise and shine, kiddo!
Jonathan: What the hell? *blinks* CRASHMAN!? How is this possible!?
Heatman: Not just Crash, laughing boy; the whole gang’s here!
(The scene pans out and shows the entirety of the Warriors surrounding Jonathan.)
Jonathan: *blinks* ...Even Flashman!?
Flashman: *pokes Jonathan’s cheek* ESPECIALLY me.
Jonathan: But... why? *struggles* What’s going on here!?
Woodman: You of all people should know the answer to that. Do you even know what we’ve been up to the past few months?
Jonathan: Well, I-
Heatman: Nothing, that’s what! Because you Writers haven’t given us an adventure since Halloween!
Metalman: Yeah! And we’re bored!
Crashman: So we decided to focus our frustrations onto you, pal. Nothing personal, it’s just business.
Jonathan: What!? *struggles* But I’m just one of the writers! What about the others!?
Quickman: Well, we didn’t want to go through that much trouble tracking them down, so we just settled on you. Flashman insisted.
Jonathan: He... insisted?
Flashman: Oh hell yes; you know how many issues I have right now because of your past writings? HUH!?
Woodman: Easy there, Flash. It’s okay.
Flashman: *sniffs* No it’s not! I’m a huge mess! I don’t even know what I am anymore! *cries*
Airman: *facepalms* Oh god damn it, he’s crying again...
Bubbleman: I’ll take him to his room.
(Bubbleman leads a crying Flashman out of the room.)
Jonathan: If it will help my case, I will admit I had no idea what I was thinking about for his character and I regret it.
Quickman: Don’t care; this isn’t about Flashman’s pain anyway! It’s about getting back you guys for not doing what you’re supposed to do; giving us random adventures that kick ass and chew bubblegum!
Heatman: And unlike Duke Nukem, we don’t plan on going to way of Forever! We’re staying around for a long, LONG time!
Jonathan: Guys, I totally agree with you! I don’t want the Warriors to disappear either! Hell, I’ve got a big project in the works-
Quickman: Yeah, well, we’re still a bit peeved. So enough with the stalling! Time for your punishment!
Jonathan: ... *gulps* What the hell are you going to do to me?
Crashman: You’ll see.
(Woodman wheels a television set from the side of the room in front of Jonathan.)
Woodman: Well, it’s all set up. Let’s get out of here!
Heatman: Not yet, pal.
(Heatman gets a pair of clips that forces Jonathan’s eyelids to stay open.)
Jonathan: OW!!! DAMN IT, THOSE ARE SHARP!
Quickman: Not as painful as what comes next, I’m afraid.
(Quickman zips out of the room, followed by everyone else. The door shuts and locks automatically.)
Jonathan: Oh god... *turns to turn his head away from the screen and fails* What’s going to show up on screen? I hope to god it isn’t about sparkly vampires...
(The screen changes from static to a well furbished stage. A few seconds pass and a bald headed reploid walks in from the right.)
Sigma: Greetings, sir or madam. I am Sigma. You might remember me from such games as “Megaman X”; “Megaman X2”; and yeah, almost every X game ever made.
Jonathan: Okay, this doesn’t seem too bad.
Sigma: But right now, I’m here to be- *strips off his armor* SEXY.
Jonathan: O_O
(Many hours of screaming bloody murder later...)
Quickman: Okay, I think that should be long enough.
Flashman: Needs to be longer.
Quickman: Yeesh, Flash, give the guy a break. Isn’t he the closest thing you have to a father figure?
Flashman: I HAVE NO FATHER.
Woodman: You could say that Dr. Wily is your dad. He built your body and all.
Flashman: *shudders*
Airman: Hah hah, good one- wait a second; Wily built ALL of us, right?
Woodman: Yeah. That’d make him OUR father.
Airman: Yeah, great logic there, Pinocchio. I’m not going to sleep for a week.
Heatman: Alright, the tape should be done by now. I’m opening up the door.
(The locks on the door click and it slides open. Everyone peeks inside, illuminated only by the static of the TV.)
Metalman: Knock knock!
...
Metalman: I said, knock knock!
Flashman: Don’t bother. He’s probably catatonic by now.
Bubbleman: After what he’s been through, I’d be amazed if he’s still breathing!
Quickman: Okay pal, we think you’ve had enough brain damage for one day. Now are you going to get back to work on *looks at and empty recliner* Huh-buh-what?
Crashman: What’s wrong?
Quickman: He... he’s gone!
Flashman: What!?
Airman: You’re kidding me!
Metalman: Impossiblity!
(The Warriors pile into the room and frantically look around.)
Woodman: Where the heck did he go?
Heatman: *knocks over some crates* He couldn’t have left the room! There’s only one entrance!
Crashman: We’ve looked all over the entire thing, and haven’t found shit. Even with all of us looking!
Quickman: Yeah, how the heck could he- *blinks*
Flashman: Quickman? Please tell me we didn’t do something stupid.
(The door to the rock closes by itself and locks, trapping the Warriors inside.)
Flashman: We did, didn’t we?
Crashman: Oh my god- *panics* Quick, destroy the TV!
Quickman: Blasphemy!
Crashman: ...Wood, you do it! Now!!!
(Woodman smashes his fist down on the set, demolishing it.)
Quickman: *holds chest* I think I just died a little inside.
Woodman: There, we did it! We’re safe forever!
(Just then, the far wall slides open, revealing a stage.)
Woodman: Or... uh...
Airman: This is bad. REALLY bad.
Quickman: Okay everyone, do not panic. Do. Not. PANIC.
(A line of Sigma clones walk onto the stage, grinning.)
Sigma Clone: Hey there, sailors.
Heatman: AW FUCK.
(The scene shows Skull Castle in the distance, the cries of the Warriors heard from miles and miles around. Jonathan boards a coach bus and sits down.)
Jonathan: Hehehe... sometimes it pays to be a bastard.
Ben: I could have told you that. *dons a driver’s cap* Now let’s take this baby to Montreal!
Jonathan: Wait a minute, you need to drop me home first!
Ben: *turns around, eyes glowling red* WE’RE. TAKING. THIS. BABY. TO. MONTREAL. BEOTCH.
Jonathan: O_O; *sits down* Yes, sir.
Rick: I picked the wrong bus today, didn’t I?
THE END