Wilyís Warriors Ė Season 2 Ė Update Special

by Flash Man

Starnik as Quick Man

Darksage as Crash Man

Ben as Heat Man

Cyros as Flash Man

Cinder as Bubble Man

Naoshi as Metal Man

Shadowstrike as Air Man

Iga as Wood Man

(Itís been a few months since the last of the Warriorís adventure, hasnít it? Ever since they fought the Cyberdemon, there hasnít been another account of any of their shenanigans. It would seem that those in charge of recounting their endeavors havenít been keeping up with their so called ďupdatesĒ. What could be keeping them from sharing the Warriors antics? And how long are we going to keep using variations of the word ďadventureĒ to keep up with this speech? Perhaps our resident Writer may hold the answers...)

Jonathan: *sitting at his computer, listening the music, singing along* Stop! Take some time think! Figure whatís important to you! Stop! Take some time to think! Figure whatís important to you! Stop! Take some time to think! Figure whatís important to you! You gotta make a serious decision-


Jonathan: Huh? *takes off headphones* I thought I heard knocking.

(Jonathan, one of the Writers for Wilyís Warriors, gets out of his seat and opens his bedroom door.)

Jonathan: *peeks out* ...no oneís home. Everyone should still be out for the day. *scratches head* Mom was right. Iím listening to my music with the volume too high so much; Iím starting to hear things!

(He closes the door and turns around.)

Airman: Hi.

Jonathan: !!! HOLY CRAP-

Quickman: Grab him!

(Crashing is heard from the Writerís bedroom as the scene fades to black. It fades back in with Jonathan in a daze, sitting in a recliner with a straight-jacket on.)

Jonathan: Agh... god damn it, my head... huh? Wha?

Crashman: Rise and shine, kiddo!

Jonathan: What the hell? *blinks* CRASHMAN!? How is this possible!?

Heatman: Not just Crash, laughing boy; the whole gangís here!

(The scene pans out and shows the entirety of the Warriors surrounding Jonathan.)

Jonathan: *blinks* ...Even Flashman!?

Flashman: *pokes Jonathanís cheek* ESPECIALLY me.

Jonathan: But... why? *struggles* Whatís going on here!?

Woodman: You of all people should know the answer to that. Do you even know what weíve been up to the past few months?

Jonathan: Well, I-

Heatman: Nothing, thatís what! Because you Writers havenít given us an adventure since Halloween!

Metalman: Yeah! And weíre bored!

Crashman: So we decided to focus our frustrations onto you, pal. Nothing personal, itís just business.

Jonathan: What!? *struggles* But Iím just one of the writers! What about the others!?

Quickman: Well, we didnít want to go through that much trouble tracking them down, so we just settled on you. Flashman insisted.

Jonathan: He... insisted?

Flashman: Oh hell yes; you know how many issues I have right now because of your past writings? HUH!?

Woodman: Easy there, Flash. Itís okay.

Flashman: *sniffs* No itís not! Iím a huge mess! I donít even know what I am anymore! *cries*

Airman: *facepalms* Oh god damn it, heís crying again...

Bubbleman: Iíll take him to his room.

(Bubbleman leads a crying Flashman out of the room.)

Jonathan: If it will help my case, I will admit I had no idea what I was thinking about for his character and I regret it.

Quickman: Donít care; this isnít about Flashmanís pain anyway! Itís about getting back you guys for not doing what youíre supposed to do; giving us random adventures that kick ass and chew bubblegum!

Heatman: And unlike Duke Nukem, we donít plan on going to way of Forever! Weíre staying around for a long, LONG time!

Jonathan: Guys, I totally agree with you! I donít want the Warriors to disappear either! Hell, Iíve got a big project in the works-

Quickman: Yeah, well, weíre still a bit peeved. So enough with the stalling! Time for your punishment!

Jonathan: ... *gulps* What the hell are you going to do to me?

Crashman: Youíll see.

(Woodman wheels a television set from the side of the room in front of Jonathan.)

Woodman: Well, itís all set up. Letís get out of here!

Heatman: Not yet, pal.

(Heatman gets a pair of clips that forces Jonathanís eyelids to stay open.)


Quickman: Not as painful as what comes next, Iím afraid.

(Quickman zips out of the room, followed by everyone else. The door shuts and locks automatically.)

Jonathan: Oh god... *turns to turn his head away from the screen and fails* Whatís going to show up on screen? I hope to god it isnít about sparkly vampires...

(The screen changes from static to a well furbished stage. A few seconds pass and a bald headed reploid walks in from the right.)

Sigma: Greetings, sir or madam. I am Sigma. You might remember me from such games as ďMegaman XĒ; ďMegaman X2Ē; and yeah, almost every X game ever made.

Jonathan: Okay, this doesnít seem too bad.

Sigma: But right now, Iím here to be- *strips off his armor* SEXY.

Jonathan: O_O

(Many hours of screaming bloody murder later...)

Quickman: Okay, I think that should be long enough.

Flashman: Needs to be longer.

Quickman: Yeesh, Flash, give the guy a break. Isnít he the closest thing you have to a father figure?


Woodman: You could say that Dr. Wily is your dad. He built your body and all.

Flashman: *shudders*

Airman: Hah hah, good one- wait a second; Wily built ALL of us, right?

Woodman: Yeah. Thatíd make him OUR father.

Airman: Yeah, great logic there, Pinocchio. Iím not going to sleep for a week.

Heatman: Alright, the tape should be done by now. Iím opening up the door.

(The locks on the door click and it slides open. Everyone peeks inside, illuminated only by the static of the TV.)

Metalman: Knock knock!


Metalman: I said, knock knock!

Flashman: Donít bother. Heís probably catatonic by now.

Bubbleman: After what heís been through, Iíd be amazed if heís still breathing!

Quickman: Okay pal, we think youíve had enough brain damage for one day. Now are you going to get back to work on *looks at and empty recliner* Huh-buh-what?

Crashman: Whatís wrong?

Quickman: He... heís gone!

Flashman: What!?

Airman: Youíre kidding me!

Metalman: Impossiblity!

(The Warriors pile into the room and frantically look around.)

Woodman: Where the heck did he go?

Heatman: *knocks over some crates* He couldnít have left the room! Thereís only one entrance!

Crashman: Weíve looked all over the entire thing, and havenít found shit. Even with all of us looking!

Quickman: Yeah, how the heck could he- *blinks*

Flashman: Quickman? Please tell me we didnít do something stupid.

(The door to the rock closes by itself and locks, trapping the Warriors inside.)

Flashman: We did, didnít we?

Crashman: Oh my god- *panics* Quick, destroy the TV!

Quickman: Blasphemy!

Crashman: ...Wood, you do it! Now!!!

(Woodman smashes his fist down on the set, demolishing it.)

Quickman: *holds chest* I think I just died a little inside.

Woodman: There, we did it! Weíre safe forever!

(Just then, the far wall slides open, revealing a stage.)

Woodman: Or... uh...

Airman: This is bad. REALLY bad.

Quickman: Okay everyone, do not panic. Do. Not. PANIC.

(A line of Sigma clones walk onto the stage, grinning.)

Sigma Clone: Hey there, sailors.

Heatman: AW FUCK.

(The scene shows Skull Castle in the distance, the cries of the Warriors heard from miles and miles around. Jonathan boards a coach bus and sits down.)

Jonathan: Hehehe... sometimes it pays to be a bastard.

Ben: I could have told you that. *dons a driverís cap* Now letís take this baby to Montreal!

Jonathan: Wait a minute, you need to drop me home first!

Ben: *turns around, eyes glowling red* WEíRE. TAKING. THIS. BABY. TO. MONTREAL. BEOTCH.

Jonathan: O_O; *sits down* Yes, sir.

Rick: I picked the wrong bus today, didnít I?