Wily's Warriors - Side Specials - The Origin of Flashman
by Flash Man
Cyros: Hey everybody, this is your resident Flashman here. You know, I’m the one whose personality changes ever other adventure. But it’s not my fault, Wily screwed up when he put my personality in my current body. Yes, current body; he didn’t program jack when he replaced the old Flashman, what was his name… I think it was “Toasta” or something. The point is, there’s a ton that Wily doesn’t know about me, and thankfully he hasn’t bothered to check into it yet. No, I’m not here to tell you everything, but I will reveal just how Wily got a hold of me in the first place…
((Note: This story takes place something back in mid-2004, when things were still very awesome. The means the Mavericks in this story are the members of Maverick Hunter Unit X, not Alpha Movement))
(The scene opens up on three robotic figures outside a two story housing unit. One of them hammers a sign that says “ABANDONED” on the front door)
Boomer Kuwanger: Well, that’s it. The dream is over.
Flame Mammoth: *trumpets sadly* We sure had some good times.
Armored Armadillo: So what happens now? Along with Sparks, we’re the only ones left.
(As if on cue, Spark Mandrill smashes through the boarded up door carrying a large suitcase)
Boomer Kuwanger: *stares* Well, there goes that couple hundred dollars.
Armored Armadillo: Where do you think you’re going?
Spark Mandrill: Back to the future!
Armored Armadillo: But why?
Spark Mandrill: Isn’t it obvious? We don’t belong here! Besides, I’ve got plans to make it big in 21XX!
Boomer Kuwanger: *glares* Using the money you got from selling that book of the damned*, am I right?
(*This occurred in the Halloween 2006 crossover adventure)
Spark Mandrill: *grins* Of course! Hey, there’s my ride!
(A DeLorean rides up and the driver pokes his head out)
Doc: Come on, Spark! The future awaits!
Spark Mandrill: Woo-hoo! I call shotgun! *jumps into the car*
Flame Mammoth: Send us a postcard when you get there!
Armored Armadillo: I don’t think you can mail postcards across time, Johnny-
Spark Mandrill: Sayonara, douche bags!
(Spark and Doc accelerate to 88 miles per hour and break the time barrier, leaving flaming tire tracks. A second later, a postcard appears and lands in Boomer Kuwanger’s hand)
Boomer Kuwanger: *reading* “Greetings from the future, dudes! Sorry it took me so long to write, but guess what? I found another Maverick team and they let me join! Isn’t that crazy? The new Flame keeps mixing Vile up with Boba Fett; it’s hilarious! Oh, the Hunters are attacking again, gotta run. MAVERICKS RULE!”
Armored Armadillo: This seems like a good time to mention that time travel sucks.
Flame Mammoth: Aww, it isn’t that bad you know.
Boomer Kuwanger: Whatever. I’m tired and feel like being alone now. I’m going to the bar.
Flame Mammoth: But-
Armored Armadillo: Johnny, leave him be. We should get going on with our lives.
Flame Mammoth: *nods sadly and begins to walk away, turning back for a moment* Bye Cyros…
Boomer Kuwanger: Later Johnny, Tran.
(Armored and Flame walk off, leaving Boomer Kuwanger, aka Cyros, by his lonesome)
Boomer Kuwanger: I really thought I could lead a successful team… I thought I could make a difference… now look at me… alone… useless…
(Boomer stands by himself, brooding. After a few seconds he looks up with no hint of sadness.)
Boomer Kuwanger: Ah screw it, you can’t win them all. Bar time!
(As Cyros dashes off toward the bar, his movements are tracked by a single robot bat. A bat belonging to the nefarious Dr. Wily!)
Wily: So, the rumors were true! There are robots from the future running about!
Bass: Big deal. Looks like just another robot to me.
Wily: Silence! Don’t you see how valuable this ‘reploid’ is?
Bass: Enlighten me.
Wily: You’ve seen the recordings of the X-Force, have you not? These ‘reploids’ harbor strength and power much more than any of the Robot Masters of this era. If I could capture one of them and reprogram it, I can finally destroy those meddlesome rebellious creations of mine that keep foiling my plans!
Bass: Not that it’s hard to do.
Wily: You shut your mouth, right now!
Bass: Why don’t you make me, old man?
Wily: What an excellent idea, Bass! *presses a button*
Bass: What the- *jaw locks into place*
Wily: Hehehe, I knew that button would come in handy. Now, to get to work! *walks off*
Bass: Mmm! MMMMMMMMM!!! *runs after Wily*
(Several hours later, Wily’s saucer appears over Megalopolis)
Wily: Bass! Lower the giant magnet!
Bass: *crosses arms* Mmm.
Wily: Ugh, fine! *presses button* You big baby.
Bass: Never do that again.
Bass: *sighs* Fine, I’m doing it already! *lowers a giant magnet*
Wily: Excellent! *looks in his viewer scope* A-hah! There’s that tall one now!
(Several hundred feet below, Boomer Kuwanger is going down the street while reading an issue of Nintendo Power)
Boomer Kuwanger: *reading* Pokémon Colosseum looks awesome… not to mention the lead girl is a regular hottie. *chuckles*
Wily: Throw the switch!
Bass: Got it.
(The giant magnet powers up and begins to target Boomer Kuwanger)
Boomer Kuwanger: That’s strange. I feel a bit light headed…
(Several metallic objects fly past Boomer, gaining his attention.)
Boomer Kuwanger: What the heck is going- OH SHIT!
(Boomer Kuwanger dives out of the way as a large tanker truck flies by)
Boomer Kuwanger: Where’d that come from!?
Wily: *eyes bulging out* Ack! Turn it off, turn it off!
Bass: I’m trying, but the switch is broken!
(The tanker collides into the saucer and explodes, sending Wily and Bass flying)
Wily and Bass: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *blink into the sky*
Boomer Kuwanger: *staring* …well that was unusual.
(A little while later, Boomer reaches the Hardman’s bar and sits at the counter)
Hardman: What’ll have?
Boomer Kuwanger: Just a diet coke, please.
Hardman: Sure thing. *hands it over*
Boomer Kuwanger: Much thanks. Cheers!
(A figure in a trench coat walks by and bumps into Boomer, distracting him)
Boomer Kuwanger: Hey, watch it!
Bass: *in disguise* Pardon me, I was in a hurry.
(Wily sneaks by and slips some pills into Boomer drink then makes his getaway)
Boomer Kuwanger: Well be careful next time, okay? *lifts his drink*
Torchman: *barges into the bar* Again! Again those Maniacs beat me! Every single time I try something, they come in and mess everything up!
Person One: Oh, not this guy again.
Person Two: Every single week it’s the same thing!
Person Three: GO HOME, TORCHMAN!
Torchman: You don’t know me! *starts downing people’s drinks*
Hardman: Hey! You have to pay for those-
Torchman: *crying* My life is joke! A JOKE, I SAY! *grabs Boomer’s drink*
Boomer Kuwanger: Hey! Give that back!
Torchman: You’re not my mama! *drinks the soda* You don’t own me-
(Torchman falls to the ground, drugged. The other customers cheer at the welcomed sight)
Boomer Kuwanger: What a light weight… wait a tick, that wasn’t even alcoholic!
(Boomer looks behind him, only to find that the disguised Bass had vanished)
Boomer Kuwanger: Huh. Weird…
(Some time afterwards, Wily and Bass have finished building a trap in the road)
Wily: So once that reploid comes down this sidewalk, the trap door will open and catch him in the Sharkticon pit!!
Bass: Okay, two questions. First off, didn’t you say you wanted him alive? Secondly, where the hell did you get Sharkticons!?
Wily: You know, from that pet store run by those Decepticons. They even gave them to me half price!
Bass: That still doesn't answer my first-
Wily: Shh! Shut up, he’s coming!
(Wily and Bass hide behind a dumpster as Boomer Kuwanger makes his way down the sidewalk)
Boomer Kuwanger: *singing* Here I go, just-a walking down the street, singing-
(Boomer stops just a few inches away from the edge of the trapped portion of the sidewalk)
Wily: *whispering* Come on, step on the trap! Step on the trap!
Boomer Kuwanger: You know, I feel like randomly using my warping powers right here!
(Boomer warps a several feet forward, clearing the trap without setting it off)
Boomer Kuwanger: Woo, that was fun! Let’s try that again!
(Once again, Boomer warps past the trap, pissing Wily off)
Wily: *angry* That stupid son of a-
Boomer Kuwanger: Forwards! *warps* Backwards! *warps* Forwards! *warps* Backwards! *warps* Forwards! *warps* Backwards! *warps* Oh, how can I get tired of this?
Bass: This is a freaking waste of time… *looks at Wily* Holy crap, are you foaming!?
Wily: *foaming with anger* STUPID REPLOID, WHY AREN’T YOU STEPPING ON THE #&#*ING TRAP!?
Boomer Kuwanger: *pauses* Huh?
(Boomer Kuwanger looks into the alleyway and finds Wily and Bass staring back at him.)
Wily and Bass: …
Boomer Kuwanger: …hi?
Wily: Oh crap, cheese it!
(Wily and Bass run for it as Boomer Kuwanger looks on with puzzlement.)
Boomer Kuwanger: Huh. Didn’t expect those guys again. *stomach grumbles* Oh well, time for dinner!
(Boomer Kuwanger continues on his way. A few minutes later, Torchman runs down the same path)
Torchman: I know you went down this street, you overgrown bug! I’ll teach you not to drug me-
(Torchman steps on the trapdoor and falls through)
Torchman: Crapcrapcrapcrap- *KER-SPLASH!* Ugh, what the-
Torchman: *turns* Uh... hi?
Sharkticons: *grin with their metal teeth*
Torchman: Oh sweet lady- *is torn to pieces*
(Later, outside a fast food joint, Wily puts the finishing touches on one of his Mad Grinders)
Bass: I’m telling you, you’d have better luck sending me after this guy.
Wily: And I’m telling you to stop judging my genius!
Bass: You? Genius? You’ve got to be kidding-
Wily: Shut up, that reploid’s coming outside!
(Boomer Kuwanger comes outside the restaurant, drinking a milkshake)
Boomer Kuwanger: Nothing like a few double cheeseburgers to keep your mind off the demise of your team. *slurps* Well then, time to get going!
(Boomer throws his nearly empty milkshake into the nearby alleyway, hitting the Mad Grinder and turning it on)
Mad Grinder: BUH?
Wily: Oh no.
Mad Grinder: BUUUUUUUH!!!
(Wily and Bass run out of the alleyway, the Mad Grinder crushing everything in its way as it chases them)
Boomer Kuwanger: *looks after them* Is it just me, or are those two following me? *shrugs* I’ll let Gauntlet take care of it or something.
(Days pass, and each time Wily tries to capture Boomer Kuwanger, but fails. The scene opens up in Wily’s fortress on the doctor going over various plans)
Wily: No, no, no, did that already, no, no, tried that THREE times, no- GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Bass: *smirks* Having a breakdown, I see.
Wily: Silence you imbecile! That reploid has eluded all of my tricks and traps, and my patience has grown EXTREMELY thin!
Bass: That still won’t help you catch future boy, doc.
Wily: I suppose you could do better then!?
Bass: Damn right I can!
Wily: Fine! Do whatever! Just leave me alone!!!
Bass: Gladly. Come, Treble!
Treble: Grr! *merges with Bass*
(Bass and Treble fly through the ceiling)
Wily: IDIOT! I JUST HAD THAT FIXED!!!
(That night, Boomer Kuwanger is hanging out at a rave, checking out girls)
Boomer Kuwanger: *thinking* Man, so many cute girls… why didn’t I ever go to a rave before?
Cute Chick: *yelling over music* Isn’t this great!?
Boomer Kuwanger: *yelling* What!?
Cute Chick: *yelling* I said isn’t this great!?
Boomer Kuwanger: *yelling* Hell yeah!
(Suddenly, Bass crashes through the roof and points his buster at Boomer)
Bass: Alright, you’re coming with me!
Boomer Kuwanger: *yelling* What!?
Bass: Argh! *blasts the DJ table* I said you’re coming with me!
Boomer Kuwanger: *blinks* Wait a minute, YOU!
Bass: Yeah, me.
Boomer Kuwanger: You and Wily have been following me around all week! What gives?
Bass: Wily just wants to capture you for one of his inane plots, but after this week, I just want to blast you to itty bitty pieces!
Boomer Kuwanger: Calm down, what did I ever do to you?
Bass: What did you do!? It’s because of you I’ve had to deal with Wily’s stupid-ass schemes for the past week! Do you know how many stupid plans and plots that is!?
Boomer Kuwanger: I’m going out on a limb here and say quite a few.
Bass: Argh! Just die already! *fires at Boomer*
Boomer Kuwanger: *warps out of the way* Way to announce your attack, Bass.
Bass: Shut up!
(Bass fires off several charges blasts, catching Cyros by surprise.)
Boomer Kuwanger: Well isn’t this dandy!?
(Boomer begins to warp around the dance floor, occasionally launching his Boomerang Cutter at Bass)
Bass: *caught by a stray Cutter* Guh! Lucky shot-
Boomer Kuwanger: Over here! *rams Bass*
Bass: Damn you!
(Bass dashes to the side and switches to his rapid fire buster. He then pins Boomer behind an overturned table with a stream of buster shots.)
Bass: How do you like that now, bug!?
Boomer Kuwanger: *appears behind Bass* This’ll teach you!
(Boomer locks his horns around Bass and then flings him into the ceiling.)
Boomer Kuwanger: For a copy of Megaman, you sure aren’t that tough!
(Bass rips out of the ceiling and dives at Boomer, sending him to the floor)
Bass: *reaches for Boomer’s head* I’ll rip out your optics!
Boomer Kuwanger: Seriously, ripping off 80’s cartoon quotes won’t gain you victory.
(Boomer punches Bass off of him and through the far wall. For security, he also throws his Boomerang Cutter through the hole and hits Bass.)
Boomer Kuwanger: *looking down at Bass* Well are you gonna keep going, or am I going to have to get serious?
Bass: G-god damnit… *coughs* Another time…
(Bass runs off into the night as the ravers cheer Boomer Kuwanger on his victory.)
Boomer Kuwanger: Thank you, thank you. *thinking* Maybe going solo again isn’t such a bad idea…
Cute Chick: *giggles* Wow, that was awesome dude!
Boomer Kuwanger: *blushes* You really think so? Just doing what I do best.
Cute Chick: Here, have a drink. That battle must have made you thirsty!
Boomer Kuwanger: You know what, I think it did! *takes a sip of the drink* Nice and cold… tastes kinda funny… wait, did you drug-
(Boomer Kuwanger falls to the ground, drugged. The cute chick laughs and shifts to her true form.)
Doc Robot: Hahaha, didn’t expect the same trick twice, did you?
(Bass runs back in with Treble.)
Bass: Stupid reploid. Didn’t even see it coming. *kicks Boomer’s prone form*
Doc Robot: I expect to be paid well for this!
Bass: Let the Doc handle the money; let’s just get this douche bag back first.
Doc Robot: No way! Give me my money now! That was part of the deal!
Bass: Hmm… on second thought, change of plans.
(Bass blasts Doc Robot through a nearby walls and picks up Boomer Kuwanger’s body. He and Treble teleport to Wily’s fortress soon afterward.)
Doc Robot: *smashed up* I… really… hate that guy…
(The next morning, deep inside Wily’s laboratory…)
Wily: I still can’t believe you managed to capture him.
Bass: Bruised your ego, didn’t I?
Wily: Tell me, Bass, just who is in charge of giving me sponge baths?
Wily: Shh, look! Our guest awakens!
Boomer Kuwanger: *moans* Oh, what happened… hey, what the!?
(Boomer finds himself strapped to a maintenance bed.)
Boomer Kuwanger: How the hell- *sees Wily and Bass* You!
Wily: Why hello, little reploid. Comfy, I hope?
Boomer Kuwanger: I’ll have you know that I’m not the bondage type.
Wily: Joke all you want, you’re not going to get out of this one.
Boomer Kuwanger: Then tell me… what do you want with me?
Wily: I know about you reploids… how you come from the future. A future far more advance than our own. Why with just one at my command, I could bring entire countries to their knees!
Boomer Kuwanger: But don’t you already have one? You know, Zero?
Wily: *gasps* How’d you know about him!?
Boomer Kuwanger: Hello, knowledge of the future?
Wily: Well that may be, but he’s not finished yet anyway! Of course, I’m sure his construction will go a lot faster once I begin to examine your body…
Boomer Kuwanger: …
Bass: Not so high and mighty now, are you?
Boomer Kuwanger: Sorry to disappoint you, Wily, but this is one body you won’t be using as a weapon.
(Suddenly, Boomer Kuwanger begins convulsing, banging his head on the bed. His optics dim and his head goes limp soon afterwards.)
Bass: What the hell was that!?
Wily: I, I don’t know!
(Wily pulls up the portable scanner to Boomer’s body. He then growls and throws it into the ground.)
Wily: That crafty SOB! He locked out access to his own body functions! Life support, motors, weapons! Everything, useless!
Bass: So you mean he’s dead?
Wily: *pauses* Not… quite.
(Wily plugs a cable into Boomer’s head and transfers something into a nearby computer.)
Wily: His body may now be useless, but his mind is intact. *grins* It may be useful to me one day…
Bass: Should I dump the body in the trash compactor now?
Wily: No! Just put it in one of the secure storage bays. Maybe one day I’ll be able to make use of it. Now leave me, I have others things to work on!
(Bass grunts in response and takes Boomer Kuwanger’s shell out of the lab.)
Wily: *stares at the computer screen* Such complex code you have… *squints at some of the text* Cyros, is it? I think you’ll make a very valuable soldier indeed…
(Scene fades out on Wily’s laughter.)
(A couple of years soon pass. It is finally the day that Wily’s Warriors begin their new “lives” living under Wily’s rule… again. Four of them are waiting in a holding area for their new “master.”)
Ben: He comes near me with his tools, there won’t be enough of him left even for dental records.
Pointy: I wonder what he’s going to do with us?
Koala: Knowing Wily, nothing good.
Toasta: Rainer, Shadowblade and Pharon already went inside. And they didn’t come out…
Ben: Better them than me.
(Bass steps out of a nearby door with Mr. Whiz.)
Bass: Alright Flashman, the Doc wants to see you next.
Toasta: Me? Why?
Mr. Whiz: No more questions.
(Bass and Mr. Whiz grab Toasta by the arms and lead him to Dr. Wily.)
Wily: Ah, welcome home Flashman. I trust the wait wasn’t too bad, hmm?
Toasta: Well, actually-
Wily: Good then, time to drain that personality of yours!
Toasta: Drain my WHAT!?
(Before he could react, Toasta is plugged into the master computer and is stripped of his personality. His body collapses and Mr. Whiz puts him on the nearby maintenance bed.)
Bass: So what are you going to make this weakling into now?
Wily: Weakling? Hardly. Flashman was one of my more competent creations, but after his first defeat by Megaman, he lacked the mind to use his powers effectively. I think Cyros will be a much better suited personality for this body.
Bass: What? You mean that reploid guy we captured two years ago?
Wily: Precisely! I may not have deciphered all of his encoded data, but I managed to pick out the surface details. Plus, I made a few “adjustments” to keep him in line. Whiz, get me the disk!
Mr. Whiz: You got it!
(Mr. Whiz runs off and returns with Cyros’ personality disk. Wily takes it and inserts it into the computer.)
Wily: Computer, upload this personality into DWN-014 Flashman.
Computer: Processing… PROCESSING!
(A stream of data flows across the stream and into Flashman’s head. A few seconds pass before his eyes glow once again with life.)
Cyros: … *blinks* Huh? What…
Wily: Arise, Flashman. Can you hear me?
Cyros: Flashman? *looks at himself* Yeah, that’s me. I feel… funny.
Wily: Oh, I know how to cure that.
(Wily reaches behind his back and pulls out a Pikachu plushie.)
Cyros: *eyes light up* Is that a-
Wily: You like it, yes?
Cyros: *squeals* Pikachu!!!
(Cyros grabs the Pikachu plushie and squeezes it tight.)
Bass: … What. The. Hell?
Wily: *whispering* I found out that he's a fan of Pokémon, so I decided to over-clock his fan boy algorithm like crazy.
Bass: You evil, evil son-of-a-bastard.
Cyros: Pika pika pika, chu!
Wily: Flashman, focus!
Cyros: *blushes* Oh, sorry Doctor Wily.
Wily: You can play with your toys later. Right now I want you to patrol the castle for any intruders! Do I make myself clear?
Cyros: Right now? But I just woke-
Wily: Am I going to have to revoke your TV privileges? I heard the new episode of Pokémon is on tonight…
Cyros: *panicked* I’m going, I’m going!
(Cyros walks off to patrol the castle as Bass and Mr. Whiz go and bring in the next victim.)
(Flash forward to the present day, Hardman’s Bar, where Cyros and Leon sit discussing things.)
Cyros: -and that’s how I ended up as Flashman.
Leon: Some story. So why’d you tell me this and not your teammates?
Cyros: With Wily around? I was lucky he didn’t find out about ALL of my past while he poked around my code for two years; I’m not taking that risk again.
Leon: Plus, he still has your body as leverage, right?
Cyros: He doesn’t even know that I even remember being Boomer Kuwanger. The way I see, I have the leverage.
Leon: *holds up glass* Well, here’s to putting up with Wily’s jackassery everyday.
Cyros: *holds up his glass of soda* Amen to that.
(Just as both of them clink glasses, Torchman walks up and spins Cyros’ stool around.)
Torchman: So it IS you! I knew I recognized you when you jerks came by and beat the crap* out of us!
(*Season 2, Episode 7)
Cyros: What are you talking about-
Torchman: Don’t play dumb with me, bug boy! I overheard your little sap story, and I damn well remember that day years ago!
Cyros: *shrugs* You must be losing it, Torchman.
Torchman: I AM NOT LOSING-
Hardman: Hey Torch, I’ll give you a free drink if you stop harassing my customers.
Torchman: …deal. *takes the drink* You win this round, punk.
(Torchman takes a long swig of his drink, only to fall down on the ground, drugged.)
Leon: Well, that was unexpected.
Cyros: Yet totally satisfying.
Leon: Say, shouldn’t you be doing something for Wily right now?
Cyros: I got it covered.
(Meanwhile, back at Wily’s fortress…)
Wily: Flashman! Where are you?
Naoshi: *hiding behind a cardboard cut-out of Flashman* Here I am, Doc! It’s me, Cyros! And I am definitely Naoshi, no sir!
Wily: …well, get back to work then. *walks off*
Naoshi: *giggles* This is fun…
Shadowstrike: What the hell are you doing?
Naoshi: Shh! Don’t tell Wily, but I’m posing as Cyros while he’s out.
Shadowstrike: Oh really? *chuckles* Well look at the time, it’s beat-Cyros-and-Naoshi-at-once hour! And seeing as you’re posing as Cyros… *cracks knuckles*