Warriors - Season 2 - The Excorcism of Naoshi
Starnik as Quick Man
Darksage as Crash Man
Ben as Heat Man
Cyros as Flash Man
Akutare as Bubble Man
Naoshi as Metal Man
Shadowstrike as Air Man
Iga as Wood Man
Narrator: During a lull in the supervillainous activities, the Warriors head to the theater to enjoy the latest summer blockbuster...
Quick: ...and thanks to Cyros' Flash Stopper we managed to sneak in!
Air: Who would've thought? Cyros proves to be useful for once!
Flash: It's more that what you do "Blow Hard".
Quick: Shut it. So what are we going to see tonight? Spider-Man VS Santa Claus? Adventures in Babysitting II (starring R. Kelly and Michael Jackson) *Zips towards the theater at the end of the corridor* ...Or... Law and Order: The Movie? That Jack McCoy *swoon* He's so dreamy.
Wood: How about no? *Drags Starnik away by his ear*
Bubble: That reminds me. Why didn't Ben or Naoshi come along with us?
Crash: No movie theater in their right mind wouldn't let Ben past their doors since "Batman and Robin."
Air: I heard they still haven't found George Clooney's body.
Bubble: And Naoshi?
Quick: Wily's still putting Humpty Dumpty together again after that incident with the antimatter generator. Enough about him, what movie do you guys want to go to? A show of hands for Law and Order?
*Crickets chirp, and a ball of tumbleweed rolls by*
Crash: A show of hands for Adventures in Babysitting?
Quick: *sigh* One day Jack, we'll be together...
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the darkened corridors of Skull Castle. Dr. Wily grinds his teeth and curses under his breath while welding Naoshi back together with a laser torch.
Wily: There! Finished! *Lifts the welding mask back* Ach! Vhy do I vaste time and money on repairing this incompetent imbecile?!
Bass: Because you're a crazy old man who hasn't got laid since "Gone With the Wind" lit up the box office!
Wily: Silence!!! You vill give me the proper respect that I, as your creator, deserve!
Bass: Ha! Maybe I will when you stop building and repairing these junk bots. The Warriors couldn't even catch a cold!
Mr. Whiz: Of course not, it's impossible for robots to catch such a virus.
Bass: Shut up. *Blasts Mr. Whiz*
Mr. Whiz: OW! MY KNEE!
*While the three are distracted, a glowing orb descends from the skylight and inserts itself into Naoshi's chest*
*His eyes suddenly fly open, and when Wily turns his head, Naoshi grabs him by the throat*
Metal: *In a higher pitched and nasally voice* Tell me human. What's your name?
Wily: *Grips Naoshi's arms* ACK! I'm I'm Doctor Albert Vily! Your master!
Metal: Starscream is no one's slave or lackey! Especially to a soft, filthy fleshbag like you! *Throws him into a stack on empty E-Tanks*
Mr.Whiz: Oh boy, we're in trouble.
Metal: *Rotates his head* A general needs some good soldiers. Pledge allegiance to me or be destroyed.
Bass: Fat chance! *Fires his blaster, but Starscream (in Naoshi's body) nimbly dodges his blasts*
Metal: I like this new body. I'll think IÕll keep it! *Throws a pair of Metal Blades that saw Bass' arms off*
*Scream silently marches past him and looms over Mr. Whiz*
Metal: Do you want to pledge yourself to me, or share the fate of your contemporary?
Mr. Whiz: Whimper.
Narrator: Over two hours later. Skull Castle's front doors creak open and the Warriors file in, their face pale as bed sheets.
Flash: I will never look at cinema the same way again.
Bubble: `Cuse me while I take a cold shower.
Wood: Not if I beat you there first.
Quick: I told you we should've went to see "Law and Order" but nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu... you just had to watch two hours of the world's creepiest slumber party! *Pauses* Wait a second? Isn't it a little too quiet?
Wood: Now that you mention it...
Flash: Wily usually barges in to scream at us for slacking off right about now. What gives?
Air: The goddamn Easter Bunny!
Wood: Mmmmm chocolate.
Flash: Oh hardy har har.
Voice: I've done away with that old fool and I'm now taking command of this faction.
Quick: That voice...
*Starscream plods down the stairs to look down at the assembled Warriors*
Metal: No. STARSCREAM! I've returned to bring this team the glory it deserves!
Wood: You mean the glory YOU deserve right? *Bopped on the head by Starnik* Ow!
Quick: Quiet you! *Runs up the Starscream, bows, and starts kissing his feet* Of course! We're only to willing to serve.
Crash: *Whispers* Psst! I don't think our dear leader is firing on all neural processors.
Air: Yeah, but what are we going we going to do?
Crash: Just listen to me. Carefully...
*While Starnik continues to fawn over his idol taking possession over his teammate, a large shadow looms the two*
Quick: What the!
Flash: Get em'!
Air: Yee haw!
Narrator: And so... in Naoshi's chambers the warriors have the possessed Metal Man tied to his bed while Starnik's tied to a chair. Almost like a bad omen, it begins to pour outside with thunder rumbling in the distance.
Metal: *Struggles* This is an outrage! I AM YOUR LEADER.
Quick: What he said!
Wood: And I'm Paul Bunyan. So what are we going to do now? The former Decepticon backstabber's possessed our teammate!
Crash: I called in an expert. He should be here by now!
*Lightning flashes, and the door swings open. Another flash reveals the shape of the new arrival*
Flash: What's with the Father Lankester look?
Heat: I have renounced my violent ways and have been ordained as a man of the cloth (with a specialty in Exorcism).
Wood: I'll believe that when I see it.
Heat: You are forgiven my son. *Quietly lights a match to give Iga a hot foot*
Wood: *Yelps in pain*
Heat: So where is the possessed?
Crash: Over here.
Heat: I see. *Pulls out the Holy Baseball Bat of Antioch* Leave this body devil man! The power of Christ compels you! *WHACK!*
Flash: Ow! But I'm not the one who's possessed! *WHACK!* OW! Son of a... *WHACK!* My spine!
Heat: The devil's strong in this one! The power of Christ compels you! *WHACK!*
Bubble: And this isn't violent?!
Crash: Not by Ben's standards.
Bubble: Why aren't we doing anything?
Air: Because it's funny.
Heat: The devil's strong in this one too. The power of Christ compels you! *Hits `Strike between the eyes*
*With one final blow, Ben sends Cyros' head flying out the window and into the horizon*
Wood: It's up... up... up... and!
Heat: Another job well done. So what about my payment?
Crash: You knocked off Cyros' head!
Heat: Oh cry me a river Sage! There's a backup memory module in his chest. He may not be able to talk but he'll still be able to see and hear us.
Air: At least we don't have to listen to him ramble on about his favorite Chimchar card.
Heat: Besides, Wily can build him a new head. Where is that batty old man anyway?
Metal: Oh, he's a little tied up right now.
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the bowels of...
Heat: *Bursts through the door wielding the bat* The power of Christ compels you!
Reader: Yikes! *Runs with Ben in hot pursuit*
Narrator: Now where was I? Meanwhile, in the bowels of Skull Castle...
*Wily, Bass, and Mr. Whiz are tied up in a chamber where Rick Astley sings and dances to "Never Gonna Give You Up" in a loop for all eternity*
Rick: *Singing* Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say good-bye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Mr. Whiz: Oh the humanity! I can't take this any longer!
Bass: I told you locking Rick Astley down here was a big mistake, but did you listen old man?!
Wily: Silence! I can free us but I need you to reach for the pen knife in my coat pocket.
Bass: Oh totally! Except I don't have any hands!
*Back to the Warriors*
Crash: *Sigh* Looks like we'll have to put up with Starscream and his pet fanboy thanks to Ben's less than inspiring exorcism.
Heat: Bite me. Unless you want to have your arm ripped off and shoved down your throat!
Wood: I'd like to see you try that.
*Ben rips off Sage's arm and rams it down Iga's throat*
Crash: *Howls in pain*
Wood: *Screams, but is muffled by Sage's arm*
Heat: Looks like you got your wish.
Air: And here I thought you renounced your violent ways.
Heat: DON'T TEMPT ME!
Metal: Enough with your petty bickering!
Quick: You tell him!
Metal: *Glares at Starnik* Oh you be quiet. First thing we require before can conquer this miserable mudball is a large supply of energon to fuel our operations. Do any of you halfwits know where we can find some?
Quick: Ooh! Ooh! Me!
Metal: *Rolls eyes* Other than him?
Flash: *Picks up a remote and points to it*
Air: I think the Crazy Lady's trying to tell us something.
Bubble: Well no shit sherlock.
Heat: Question is what he's trying to tell us and I think the spaz is telling us to turn on the TV.
Metal: So get on with it!
Warriors: Yeah, get on with it!
Flash: *Turns on the television*
Vic Nightshade: ...and how a that's troop of Eagle Scouts outwitted an international smuggling ring with a half a tube of toothpaste, a fountain pen, and some dryer liner lint.
Gloria Sunrise: In other news, brownouts will be a thing of the past in Monsteropolis with the activation of a zero-point energy collector that promises to provide the city with virtually limitless power.
Vic: This just in! Donuts will make you a fat, ugly pig. Especially if you the ate last one in the break room. *Eyes Gloria*
Gloria: And this just in! Someone was spotted pouring sugar in the gas tank of Vic's new Ferrari in the parking lot.
Vic: WHAT?! *Runs off*
Metal: Excellent! We must have that energy collector! We'll be unstoppable!
Bubble: And how do you propose we do that? That power plant must be crawling with security guards!
Quick: Oh I'm sure our new leader and our resident genius can come up with something.
Heat: *Grumbles* All right but this whole situation stinks worse than the time I made a bonfire out of Cyros' plushes.
Flash: *Gives Ben the finger*
Heat: Heh heh heh.
*And so, at the Power Plant two security guards patrol the Energy Collector control room.*
Bill: Hey Ted!
Bill: Isn't night watchman job most righteous?
Ted: Excellent pay, lots of quiet time think about the dudettes, and best of all, no giant monsters.
Bill and Ted: EXCELLENT! *Air guitar*
Ted: What was that dude?
Bill: *Shines his flashlight towards the source of the racket* Don't know man, it sounded a dude.
*While the two are distracted, two hands appear from the darkness and knock Bill and Ted's heads together*
Quick: That's the last of them, you can come out know.
*Akutare waddles towards the crater left by the "meteor"*
Bubble: Looks like we found Cyros' head. *Picks it up*
Air: Looks like he won't have to spend the entire epilogue trying to get a-HEAD!
Flash: Grrrr... if I had my legs I'd kick your ass!
*Cyros' body gives `Strike a swift kick in the butt*
Metal: What did I do to deserve getting stuck with this bickering fools? Heatman!
Heat: Yes oh effeminate one?
Metal: Grrr... Did you prepare the Energy Collector for transport?
Heat: All systems are offline. Once Sage blasts the anchors, the collector will be ready for teleportation.
Metal: Excellent! Now this mudball is mine for the taking! *Begins to cackle maniacally*
Quick: *Joins him*
*The Warriors stare blankly at each other and shrug*
Air: When in Rome...
Warriors: *Join Starnik and Starscream, except for Ben*
Heat: As much as I love to intrude on your jolly guffawing... *points to a blue stream streaking from the skylight* ...WE HAVE COMPANY!
*The blue streak reforms itself as the super fighting robot*
Megaman: I should've known you Wilybots couldn't resist swiping the Energy Collector!
Flash: We are so screwed.
Quick: You don't scare us blue dweeb! We have Starscream as our fearless leader!
Wood: *Taps his shoulder* Uh, Starnik? *Points to Starscream*
Metal: I'll secure the Energy Collector while you hold off this dolt! *Teleports out*
Quick: *Jaw drops* He bailed on us?
Bubble: Why am I not surprised?
Heat: We have more pressing concerns... *Charges towards Megaman* Hey blue bumbler! How would you like me to cook ya?! Regular or extra crispy?! *Fires a fully charged blast of Atomic Fire at Megaman*
*Megaman slides under it*
Megaman: Sorry, I'm on a diet! *Fires back with a fully charged buster shot at Ben and sends him flying into some electrical wires*
*The hundreds of thousands of volts overload Ben systems*
*Starnik meanwhile attempts to play hit and run with the blue bomber, but Megaman manages to dodge with effortless ease*
Quick: *Comes to a screeching halt* Well see how you like this! *Fires a spread of Quick Boomerangs*
*Megaman's barely clipped by Starnik's attack*
Quick: Hey! No f... *nailed by buster shot and slammed into a coolant pipe* ...air. Oy...
Wood: Maybe you'd like my new SOLAAAAAAAR LAS- *Has a hole blown through him by Megaman* Hey! *Faints*
Narrator: Needless to say the Warriors were routed by the Blue Bomber's onslaught. If not for Cyros' Time Stopper, the team would've been destroyed. And so the team returned to Skull Castle limping and gathered in Ben's Workshop.
Flash: Thanks for welding my head back on after, ya know, knocking it off Ben.
Heat: It's the least I could do.
Flash: And thanks for welding it on BACKWARDS!
Heat: Whine, whine, whine! That's I ever get for thanks around here.
Quick: Enough! It's bad enough we got our titanium butts handed to us by Megaman.
Wood: *Still having the whole inside him repaired by Ben* It's not our fault.
Air: Yeah, we're Robot Masters. We're programmed to lose against him.
Quick: Be that as it may. We need to rid ourselves of Starscream before he leaves to another thrashing by that blue suck-up.
Bubble: And he finally sees the light!
Quick: *Eyes Ben* And no exorcisms!
Heat: Oh come on!
Crash: I think I have plan. It's rotten and conniving but it should work if we know Starscream like we do.
Quick: Everyone huddle!
*The Warriors (except for Iga, who's still on the operating table) huddle together like a a football team making their last play at the Super Bowl*
Crash: So it goes like this... pst pst pst!
Air: That's genius!
Flash: Here here!
Wood: Uh guys? I wanna hear the plan.
Narrator: And so the night after at a Lightech research facility on the outskirts of Monsteropolis. A red streak dispatches the security guards, while a silhouetted zippo cuts power to the survellience systems, and then a pair of Crash Bombs cling to the heavily-armored door to the Transmetals lab...
*The heavy, bitanium door goes flying and the Warriors quickly secure the lab for their new "leader"*
Wood: No sign of security.
Air: Coast is clear boss!
Metal: *Steps in with Starnik walking beside with* So tell me Starnik, are you sure this is where the Transmetal X Driver is?
Quick: Sage has his sources and I trust him completely. Besides, wouldn't you trust your biggest fan? *Grins innocuously*
Metal: *Grabs Starnik by the throat and raises him* If there's one thing I learned during my time in the Decepticon ranks it would be "trust no one." Do I make myself clear?
Quick: *Croaks* Crystal clear boss man.
Metal: *Drops him* Good. Because I'll be invincible if I get my hands on this device. Heatman! Have you cracked the safe codes yet?
Heat: Almost.... DONE! *Opens the safe door but Starscream shoves him out of the way*
Metal: *Peers inside but is shocked to find* Papers? What is the meaning of this?!
???: Looks like anonymous tip was right! Wily sent his minions to raid this lab, where are your playmates Metalman?
Metal: Woodman! Dispatch this blue pest! *Turns around to find that the Warriors disappeared* Cowards! Must I do everything myself?!
*Starscream tries throw a Metal Blade at Megaman but nothing materializes*
Megaman: Did you forget that you can't attack unless I attack first? And I'll be more than happy to oblige. *Fires a buster shot directly at Starscream's chest*
Metal: *Knocked into the safe* OOF! You dare attack the Great Starscream? A primitive earthling construct? I won't stand for this!
*Starscream leaps in the air, acrobatically dodging Megaman's shots. He materializes three Metal Blades and throws them at the Blue Bomber*
*Megaman gracefully performs a back flip to dodge the first, rolls to dodge the second, and slides to dodge the third. Before landing on his feet, he charges his buster to it maximum setting*
Megaman: You Wilybots are too predictable. Back to the scrap heap you go! *Fires*
*This time, Starscream doesn't have enough time to evade the massive plasma bolt. The former Decepticon Air Commander shrieks as his host exploded and his part go flying in every direction*
Megaman: Hasta la vista Metalman!
*Starscream's ghost rises from Naoshi's torso after Megaman turns his back on his fallen foe. But just as Starcream moves in on him, four men in dirty gray jumpsuit wielding proton packs and assorted gear burst into the room*
Starscream: Not so fast blue dweeb. I'm not finished with you!
Megaman: *Turns back to Starscream* What the?! *Then to the new arrivals* Who are you?!
Ray: We're the Ghostbusters and we're responding to an anonymous call telling us a ghost is haunting these premises!
Egon: *Hold the PKE Reader towards Starscream* These readings are off the scale guys! I think we're dealing with a type-12 possessor.
Winston: A type-12 twelve what?!
Venkman: Never mind that! All I know is that is means one thing. Lock 'n load little doggies! Yee haw! ! *Fires his proton beam to snare Starscream*
Starscream: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I won't be defeated by some fleshy weaklings! *Thrashes about, and nearly throws Venkman aside*
Venkman: Y'know, a little help would be great just about now!
Ray: Sorry Peter! We'll get right on it.
*Egon and Winston fire their proton beams, and finally lasso Starscream down so Ray can slide the trap under him. The trap opens and begins to draw in Starscream who resists with very ounce of his ectoplasmic essence*
Starscream: I've been tricked! I'll get you Warriors! If it's the thing I do I will have my revengeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... *Trap closes shut*
Ray: *Pulls the trap up by its cord, with Starscream cursing inside* Another job well done guys.
Megaman: There's just one thing. I got an anonymous tip about Wily and some unnamed person, or persons, called about a ghost haunting this lab AND this Starscream is crying for revenge against the Warriors, don't you have the feeling we've been played?
Venkman: Trust me kid, you're better off not asking. Now let's talk about payment. That was a type-12 possessor so that mean you owe... Hey Egon! You have a calculator?
Narrator: Back at Skull Castle.
Quick: And thanks to the upgrades Ben made to Cyros' Time Stopper, we managed to stay out of sync with the time/space continuum and invisible to Megaman and the Ghostbusters. Then we picked Naoshi's pieces and hightailed it home after they left.
Heat: *Welding Naoshi back together* We know! WE WERE THERE DAMMIT!
Quick: But it sounds so much better when I tell the story.
Flash: With these new upgrades... I am invinceeeeeeeeeeeble!
Air: We heard you the first twenty times.
Wood: And it wasn't even funny the first time!
Quick: So I guess that's everything. Naoshi's back in one piece, and Starscream's out of our hair.
Crash: Haven't you guys noticed it's still too quiet around here?
Bubble: Oh no.
*And so in the basement, having been trapped in a room for two days with Rick Astley. Dr. Wily, Bass, and Mr. Whiz finally succumb to insanity and start dancing along with Rick and his entourage*
Wily: *Sings* Vere no strangers to love
Bass: *Sways, despite having no arms* You know the rules and so do I
Mr. Whiz: A full commitment's what I'm thinking of, You wouldn't get this from any other guy
Rick: I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling, Gotta make you understand...
All Four: Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you, Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Quick: *Runs into the camera and grabs it* Avert your gaze readers! Satan's on the TV!
*Naoshi jumps into the action, mistaking it for a certain film starring John Travolta*
Metal: Whoo hoo! Saturday nigh fevah!
*Ben sneaks up behind him, and bashes Naoshi in the head with the Holy Baseball Bat*
Heat: The power of Christ compels you... to SHUT UP!