Wily's Warriors - Season 2 - And Now For Something Completely Random...

by Darksage

Starnik as Quick Man Darksage as Crash Man
Ben as Heat Man Cyros as Flash Man
Cinder as Bubble Man Naoshi as Metal Man
Shadowstrike as Air Man Iga as Wood Man

Narrator: Somewhere in the darkest confines of Skull Castle lies the mysterious "Secret Lab" of Dr. Wily. It is said to be the home of some of his most diabolical, but failed, experiments. Only those brave and cunning enough have ever been able to find it.

Naoshi: Sweet, the secret lab. I found it finally, now to score some loot!

Narrator: Or maybe it’s the ones who are neurotic and stupid. Oh well, I’m out of here! *leaves the ep*

Naoshi: Hmmm…let’s see here. *look around* Talking shower curtain, giant Guts Dozer candy machine, liquefied turkey, 8-track tapes…damn; there is nothing good in-WHAT IS THAT!

(Naoshi looks up at a gleaming light shining on a pedestal holding a jar on it)

Naoshi: Oooo…shiny…

(Metal Man approaches the pedestal, looking at the jar.)

Naoshi: It looks like a pair of hands in there. I don’t need them but I need a souvenir, plus the jar is shiny! *picks up the jar* Mine, all mine!
(As the jar is picked up, the pedestal lowered into the ground, followed by a rumbling behind Naoshi)

Naoshi: A GIANT STONE BALL! I’m not sure, but I think I should run.

(Queue the Indiana Jones theme song, played on kazoos)

Naoshi: *running down the corridor* AAAhhh!

(He runs past the narrow hall, swings over a pit of alligators, and jumps over a wall of Legos, with the ball in tow)

Naoshi: Finally, there is the end. *slides under a narrow closing passage, gets to the doorway* Yes, I avoided the traps, who’s the man? Who’s the *gets smashed in the head by two swinging stumps* Ouchies…*dies*

(as Naoshi falls to the ground, the jar goes flying into the air…)

Shadowstrike: I’m telling you Sage, you should really talk Wily into giving you some hands.

Darksage: First off, I hate talking to Wily. Secondly, I’m doing just fine without them. Thirdly, I don’t feel like wasting our only off day this year talking about this.

Shadowstrike: I know and it scares the heck out of me. You can drive, open doors, give us high fives, and other things. How can you do it without hands?

Cyros: I have an opinion.

Shadowstrike: *Covering his face with his hand* I’m going to regret this, but what?

Cyros: We should take out Wily’s jet and go on a Pokemon hunt!

Shadowstrike: For the last time, shut up about Pokemon or I’ll shove a Pikachu up your ass.

Cyros: You have a Pikachu? GIMME!

Shadowstrike: Knock it off crazy lady, it was a joke!

Cyros: Don’t call me that!

Darksage: *shakes his head* Whatever. Still, even if I wanted hands, it’s not like they’re going to fall out of the sky.

(Falling out of the sky, the jar containing the hands lands in Darksage’s arms)

Darksage: Wow that was coincidental.

Cyros: Let me try something. IT’S NOT LIKE POKEMON ARE GOING TO FALL OUT OF THE SKY! *holds his arms out*

Shadowstrike: *hits Cyros in the head* Don’t be a moron. Anyway, where did those hands come from?

(Everyone looks behind them as Naoshi’s limp body falls out of the doorway)

Darksage: That answers that. It looks like he died again.

Shadowstrike: What else is new? Cyros, it’s your turn.

Cyros: *sighs* Fine, I’ll press the button.

(Cyros goes to a nearby wall and presses the M.E.R.A.B., the Metalman Emergency Repair Assistance Button)

Shadowstrike: At least Wily installed that for us. I’ve been getting sick of hauling his carcass back to Wily on my own.

(Mr. Whiz enters the area, rolling a stretcher while wearing a white, skin-tight nurse’s outfit, complete with mini skirt and low-cut top.)

Mr. Whiz: I’ll take care of him. I still don’t know what I did to piss off Wily to get this job.

Shadowstrike: …

Darksage: …

Cyros: Uh, why did Wily make you where that uniform?

Mr. Whiz: Uniform? Oh, uh, yeah, this. Well, uh, IT GOES WITH THE JOB!

(Mr. Whiz quickly scoops up Naoshi and runs off, pushing the stretcher down the hall faster than Quickman at a Law and Order convention)

Darksage: THAT was weird.

Shadowstrike: Yep, so, should we?

Darksage: Should we what?

Shadowstrike: Should we get those hands put on you?

Darksage: Well, since I have them here, maybe. But I don’t like talking to Wily.

Cyros: How about Ben?

Darksage: On second thought, Wily sounds pretty good…

Shadowstrike: Come on, Ben would be more fun!

Darksage: Define fun! I can just picture him saying…

Ten minutes later, outside Ben’s lab door…

Ben: Get the hell away from my door before I go medieval on your asses!

Darksage: Actually, that went better than I thought.

Cyros: Well, you are the schemer, so you must have some idea on how to trick Ben.

Darksage: Idea? Yes. Wanting him to blow my head off and urinate on the remains later? Hell no!

Shadowstrike: Hmmm. I have an idea!

Darksage: It doesn’t have anything to do with sacrificing Cyros, does it?

Shadowstrike: Well, yes, but I have another idea. Just wait five minutes.

Darksage: Fine, five minutes.

Cyros: Yes, I’ll wait too and- hey!

Five minutes later, by Ben’s lab…

Ben: *drunkenly* Come on in! I *hic* want your *hic* company!

Darksage: Shadow, what did you do?

Shadowstrike: Nothing really, I just set a case of Smirnoff in front of his door with a note it’s from his secret admirer.

Cyros: Wouldn’t he be able to tell it’s your handwriting when he gets sober?

Shadowstrike: No, I forged it in yours, crazy lady!

Cyros: Hey, he’ll kill me, and DON’T CALL ME CRAZY LADY!

Shadowstrike: Okay, crazy lady.

Darksage: Can you two just stop for once?

(They all enter the lab, meeting up with a drunk Ben)

Ben: *sniffing Cyros* You smell *hic* nice, crazy lady.

Cyros: Ugh!

Shadowstrike: Hey Ben, since you are not in a homicidal mood, would you attach those *points at the jar of hands* to Darksage?

Ben: Of *hic* course, anything for *hic* friends!

(Ben takes the jar from Darksage and leads him to the operating table)

Cyros: Friends? What did you put in that alcohol?

Shadowstrike: Well, I might have put too much of Naoshi’s Prozac in it.

Cyros: How much?

Shadowstrike: All of it.

(As the others talk while Darksage is getting his hands attached, the newly repaired Naoshi sneaks in)

Naoshi: That’s not fair, those hands are mine! I found them, they are mine mine MINE! I’ll get them for that. They won’t know I’m here, mwahahaha!

(The others watch as Ben finishes up, fully knowing of Naoshi, but just choosing to ignore him)

Ben: All *hic* done!

Darksage: *Looking at his hands* Sweet!

Shadowstrike: See, I told you hands are better.

Darksage: They are, and retractable!

(Sage’s hands are pulled back in and replaced by his Crash Bombs, and then makes the hands reappear)

Cyros: Good job Ben.

Darksage: I can’t wait to try them.

Shadowstrike: Hmmm…*looks at Naoshi, sneaking by an experiment* I have an idea. *flicks a switch*

Naoshi: Now I have-what the?

(An array of lasers passes through Naoshi, around the platform he is on, then stop)

Naoshi: Ha, that didn’t hurt-*callpses onto the floor as a pile of cubes, dead again*

Shadowstrike: Sage, go press the M.E.R.A.B.!

Darksage: Yes! *presses the button*

(Mr. Whiz enters in “uniform”, carrying a broom and dust pan)

Mr. Whiz: Where is he?

Darksage: *points at the cubes*

Shadowstrike: Great invention Ben. Why did you make it anyway?

Ben: Well *hic*, it was…was…*falls to the ground, drunk and asleep*

Cyros: It wasn’t all Prozac, was it?

Shadowstrike: I might have added sleeping pills too. Don’t worry, he should be up and around again in, I don’t know, two days?

Cyros: He is SO gonna kill me.

Darksage: Whatever guys. With these new hands, I’m headed down the block to the nursing home. Anyone want to help me con senior citizens?

Shadowstrike: No thanks. Have fun, though.

Darksage: I plan on. Bye guys! *leaves*

Shadowstrike and Cyros: Bye Sage!

Cyros: So, now can we go hunt for Pokemon?

Shadowstrike: Oy, how did I get stuck spending my off day with you?

Later that night in the lounge…

Cinder: So, IGA, how did you spend your day?

Iga: I slept.

Cinder: Yeah, well, anything else?

Iga: I might have snored for a while I guess.

Cinder: Great, you’re sure a bundle of energy. I hope the others get here soon.

Shadowstrike: *walks in with Cyros* We’re here, sorry about being late. It’s crazy lady’s fault.

Cinder: Let me guess, Pokemon hunt?

Cyros: Why do you think every time I do something it has to do with Pokemon? I do more than chase after pocket monsters.

Cinder: All right, I’m sorry Cy.

Cyros: Thank you.

Cinder: So, what were you doing?

Cyros: I was looking for Cactuar!

Cinder: I GIVE UP!

Cyros: Hey, it wasn’t Pokemon!

Shadowstrike: Quiet. Hey, what is this meeting about anyway?

Iga: I don’t know. Bass just said Dr. Wily wanted us all here, so here we are. Now we just need Sage, Naoshi, and Ben.

Shadowstrike: Well, Wily might as well start. Darksage is still out somewhere scamming with his new hands, Naoshi is getting repaired AGAIN, and Ben is out cold and drunk in his lab. So it’s the usual. Hey, where’s Starnik?

Cinder: Over there. *points at the TV*

Starnik: *drooling while watching Law & Order*

Dr. Wily: *standing with Bass* Attention my warriors!

(Everyone turns there attention to Wily, except Starnik, who’s still in a zombie-like trance by the television)

Dr. Wily: Two announcements. First, I have repaired Metalman.

(Naoshi walks in, licking a lollipop he got from the doctor)

Dr. Wily: I’m only going to say this once, STOP KILLING METALMAN!

Shadowstrike: We don’t kill him, he usually kills himself.

Dr. Wily: Oh, never mind then. I guess I should have increased Metalman’s intelligence instead of his obedience when I reprogrammed him.

Naoshi: *Ignoring Wily as he licks his sucker*

Cyros: So, what else do you want to tell us?

Bass: Silence fool! Let the doctor speak. *turns to Wily* So, doc, what do you want to tell them?

Dr. Wily: Earlier today, someone broke into my main office and turned all my notes into paper airplanes, and even set some on fire.

Shadowstrike: I know we usually lie to you, but it wasn’t us.

Iga: Yes, and you know I’d never send any paper product to its doom.

Dr. Wily: I know it wasn’t you, you imbeciles. I programmed your hands, even Quickman’s and Heatman’s, not to touch the doorknob. If you did, an alarm would have sounded.

Shadowstrike: So, then, we should care, why?

Dr. Wily: You should because your mission for tomorrow is to find the intruder that did it and you have all day tomorrow to find them, or else.

Cinder: Else what?

Dr. Wily: Or else I will reprogram all of you!

Shadowstrike: Like he said, or else what?

Iga: We’re so bored here it doesn’t matter anymore.

Dr. Wily: Okay, well... *spots Starnik by the TV* Well, then I will cancel the satellite TV subscription!

(Everyone’s attention is suddenly moved to the flash that came from the couch towards the television)

Starnik: *hugging the satellite receiver* No, not my precious four hundred sixty-two channels, anything but that!

Dr. Wily: You have through tomorrow morons, not a minute more! *walks out*

Cyros: *turns to Bass* How do you get away with not having to help?

Bass: It’s simple. You are nothing but drones for the doctor and he thinks of me in a higher regard than of you scrap bots.

Dr. Wily: *calling from the other room* Bass, come here and give me my bunion rub!

Bass: *shivers* Yes doctor…*leaves*

Shadowstrike: So, do you guys think we should listen to Wily and bunion boy?

Starnik: What kind of question is that?! Of course we do!

Cyros: Aren’t you taking this too seriously Quick?

Starnik: *eyes glowing red* WHAT did you say?

Cyros: Oh, um, nothing. Nothing at all!

Shadowstrike: So, fearless leader, do you have any ideas?

Starnik: I do. Go get some sleep and I’ll be ready to go tomorrow morning. I have a lot of TV to watch so I can save it! *goes back to the couch*

Cinder: Should we ask what he meant by that?

Shadowstrike: No, some things are better left unasked. Let’s just leave him.

The next morning…

Shadowstrike: *walks in and yawns* What a night that was. Is anyone here yet?

*Quickman gets off the couch, wearing a Sherlock Holmes outfit, complete with bubble pipe*

Starnik: Elementary my dear Watson. I’m already here.

Shadowstrike: Um, what the hell are you supposed to be?

Starnik: Thanks to the marvels of television, I now am full of the knowledge of the greatest detective of all time!

Cyros: You’re full of something, but it ain’t knowledge!

Starnik: *turns to Shadowstrike* One second.

(In a blur of speed, Quickman goes behind Flashman and back within a fraction of a second)

Starnik: Okay, where was I?

Shadowstrike: Well I-hey, what happened to your pipe?

Starnik: I put it to good use.

Cyros: *walking funny* I feel strange… *farts bubbles*

Shadowstrike: YAY!

Starnik: Anyway, I spent all night watching the marathon on channel 432, so now I know everything about detective work.

Shadowstrike: Did you say 432? *picks up and reads The Channel Guide*

Cyros: *pulls the pipe out of his ass* So how the hell is that going to help us?

Starnik: My dear boy, I now know everything from…

Shadowstrike: The Erotic Advetures of Sherlock Holmes?! You watched the Sugar and Spice Network?!

Starnik: Hey, it will help, trust me. So, if I remember right, the first place to look for evidence is the panty drawer.

Cyros: This is insane.

Shadowstrike: Uh, guys, maybe it’s just me, or if we had an intruder wouldn’t they try to leave the base?

Starnik: I thought of the theory too, but it seems the base is on total lock down.

Shadowstrike: Even the jet hanger?

Starnik: I thought of everything. Wait, I have an idea, let’s check the jet hanger since it’s not in the lockdown! *goes off*

Cyros: Is he getting more annoying than Naoshi or am I crazy.

Shadowstrike: Yep, but you are right about the annoying part. *goes after Stanik*

Cyros: Heh, I guess I am the voice of…HEY! *follows Shadowstrike*

*Meanwhile, hiding behind the couch in the lounge…*

Naoshi: Yes, no one can help you in the hanger Airman. I will get my revenge on you for killing me…multiple times…again and again… Oh well. Hm hm hm hm…heheheheh…HAHAHAHAHAHA BLAHHHKKKKKK!!! I think I swallowed a bug! *heads out*

Minutes later at the hanger…

(Starnik, Shadowstrike, and Cyros arrive, looking at the jet which is now covered in graffiti)

Starnik: *still dressed as Sherlock* I guess there might be some clues here.

Shadowstrike: No $#!% Sherlock.

Starnik: Hey, I’m the one conducting this investigation, so give me some slack.

Shadowstrike: I give up. *Sees Cyros in the jet* Now what the hell are you doing?

Cyros: I was thinking about taking the jet to get washed...and go to France!

Shadowstrike: Let me get this straight: there is an intruder in the base, two rooms so far have been trashed, and Wily is threatening to take away TV privileges, AND YOU WANT TO GO TO FRANCE?!

Cyros: Yep.

Shadowstrike: Fine, then go ahead…crazy lady.

Cyros: *head snaps around* What did you call me?

Shadowstrike: You heard me, CRAZY LADY!

Cyros: Stop calling me that, air can.

Starnik: He’s right Shadow. It’s not helping our investigation, so lay off.

Cyros: Thank you Starnik.

Starnik: You’re welcome, crazy lady.

Cyros: That’s it! If someone calls me that again, I will knock their head off!

(At this point, Naoshi walks in, with sights set on Airman)

Shadowstrike: Oh great, now what?

Naoshi: All right, I’ve had enough. It’s you and me fan guy, one on one. Starnik, don’t get in my way. That goes double for you, crazy lady!

Cyros: *to Starnik and Shadowstrike* Excuse me for a second…

(Before they know it, Naoshi’s head rolls on the floor towards ‘strike and Starnik)

Cyros: Okay, now I feel better.

Starnik: Before I continue on with this… *reaches into the jet and presses the M.E.R.A.B.*

Cyros: On second thought, I won’t go on the trip, because I hate flying alone.

Shadowstrike: Good.

Cyros: So instead, I’ll hang around with you guys for the rest of the day.

Shadowstrike: Uh oh. Well…*sees Cinder enter the hanger* Hey, Cinderzoid, do you want to go to Jelly World?

Cinder: DO I?!

Shadowstrike: Then get in the jet.

Cinder: Alright! *jumps in the jet*

Cyros: *gets in the jet too* Great, now we can go to France togther!

Cinder: Wait, with YOU?!

Shadowstike: Bye guys.

Cinder: *yelling as the jet takes off* HELP ME! SAVE ME! HELP ME! SAVE ME! HELP ME…

Shadowstrike: It’s just you and me now.

Starnik: Well, we do know whoever did this might have red hands from the paint, but who?

(Darksage walks by, to see what’s going on)

Darksage: Hey guys.

Starnik and Shadowstrike: Hey Sage.

Shadowstrike: Hey, have you seen anything weird around here? We’re doing an invertgation for Dr. Wily.

Darksage: Sorry, I don’t. I just got back a little while ago from rigging a bingo game at a church festival. I love these hands!

Shadowstrike: That’s great Sage, but what is that on your hands?

Darksage: I don’t know. It’s like red paint. I woke up with it this morning. Oh well. I’m going to take a quick nap before selling illegal insurance on a street corner later. See ya!

Starnik and Shadowstrike: Bye Sage.

(Darksage leaves for his room)

Starnik: Like I said, only if we had more clues.

(Mr. Whiz comes in still in drag, rolling a hand truck and carrying a bowling bag)

Shadowstrike: Hey, do you have any idea what went on in here?

Mr. Whiz: *putting Naoshi’s head in the bag* Don’t ask me, all I know is how to clean up after this moron.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, and how to dress like a drag queen.

Starnik: We really should continue the investigation, dear Watson.

Shadowstrike: Do NOT start calling me that! I’m going to be afraid to ask this, but what else do you know about detective work?

Starnik: Well…

Ten minutes later in Mr. Whiz’s room…

Shadowstrike: May I ask why we’re in Whiz’s room, and for that matter, why are you in his underwear drawer??!!

Starnik: According to my research through television, the person who says they don’t know anything usually does, plus Sherlock Holms always looks in the panty drawer for clues.

Shadowstrike: I almost wish I went with Cyros. Almost.

Iga: *screaming* AAAHHH!!!

Shadowstrike: That came from Iga’s room.

Starnik: Let’s go then.

(Starnik and Shadowstrike race down the hall to Iga’s room)

Iga: It took you long enough.

Starnik: *looking around* I don’t see anything wrong here.

Shadowstrike: So, Iga, why did you scream?

Iga: Isn’t it obvious?

Shadowstrike: Uh, no.

Iga: I’ve been sawed in half! Why do you think I’m not moving?

Starnik: If you were sawed in half, I would have noticed.

(Iga jumps into the air, showing that he is in two pieces)

Shadowstrike: That’s something you don’t see everyday.

Starnik: There has to be a logical explanation to all this.

(As Starnik thinks, Darksage arrives in the doorway)

Darksage: Hey everyone.

Starnik, Shadowstrike, and Iga: Hey Sage.

Darksage: Have you guys found out what’s going on yet?

Shadowstrike: Not yet. How was your nap?

Darksage: It was good except I woke up covered in wood shavings for some reason. Well, I have more scams to plan, so I’ll see you later.

Starnik, Shadowstrike, and Iga: Bye Sage.

(Darksage leaves)

Starnik: So Iga, do you have any idea who did this to you?

Iga: I have no idea.

Naoshi: *hiding in the hall* There’s Airman. He tricked me last time, but this time I’ll charge at him without saying a word! Yes, that’s a good plan. I’m such a genius! *charges into the room*

Shadowstrike: I don’t think this is getting us anywhere.

(Shadowstrike sidesteps a charging Naoshi, who ends up going out Iga’s window)

Naoshi: *floating in the air* Hey, I’m flying! *singing* I can fly, I can fly…

Shadowstrike: No you can’t!

Naoshi: Oh. *starts falling* AAAHHH… *splats*

Starnik: I’ll go press the M.E.R.A.B.

Mr. Whiz: *walking past the doorway in “uniform” with a giant specula* Don’t bother, I know, I know!

Shadowstrike: I don’t think there is anything else to do here.

Starnik: Right, let’s check elsewhere.

Iga: What about me?!

Starnik: Well, put yourself together. *leaves*

Iga: Damn.

(Before leaving the room, Shadowstrike sneaks up behind Iga and pushes his upper half over)

Shadowstrike: TIMBER!


Shadowstrike: Sorry, I couldn’t resist!

Iga: Why you…

(Iga’s bottom half goes after Shadowstrike, kicking him repeatedly in the ass)

Shadowstrike: OW! Can’t you…OW…take a…OW…joke? OWCHIES! *leaves*

Iga: *sighs* Now where did I put that wood glue?

Later, out in the hall…

Starnik: With all my detective knowledge I was sure I’d know who would have done it by know.

Shadowstrike: I admit, I have no idea either.

(As they walk, Darksage goes by them)

Darksage: Hey guys.

Starnik and Shadowstrike: Hey Sage.

Darksage: How is the investigation going?

Shadowstrike: Still sucks.

Darksage: Sorry to hear that. For some reason I feel asleep again and woke up with a bottle of super glue in my hand, isn’t that weird? Anyway, I’ll see you guys later. *walks off*

Starnik and Shadowstrike: Bye Sage.

Starnik: I’m not supposed to be frustrated, but I really need more clues!

(Shadowstrike and Starnik keep walking, passing Bass, who is hanging from the ceiling thanks to having his head super glued to it)

Shadowstrike: I know what you mean.

Bass: Hey, a little help here?!

Starnik: Did you hear something?

Bass: I’m talking to you morons, help me!

Shadowstrike: *shrugs shoulders* I didn’t hear anything.


Shadowstrike: Let’s go to the lounge and think things through.

Starnik: Good idea Watson.

Shadowstrike: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you say that.

Bass: Guys? GUYS! DON’T LEAVE ME!!!

Minutes later, in the lounge…

Starnik: Okay, let’s go through the suspects, one by one.

Shadowstrike: Okay. First, we know it wasn’t either of us, of course, because we’ve been together all day.

Starnik: Correct.

Shadowstrike: We know it wasn’t Iga because he was a victim and there is no way he could’ve sawed himself.

Starnik: Yes.

Shadowstrike: We also know Cinder and crazy lady are innocent because they’ve been gone most of the day.

Starnik: That’s true too.

Shadowstrike: Also, Mr. Whiz has been too busy with gathering Naoshi, so it wasn’t either of them.

Starnik: I know. So who does that leave?

Shadowstrike: Well, it leaves Ben, Bass, and Sage. Ben is still out cold last time I checked and Bass isn’t smart enough for it, wherever he went.

Starnik: So, it has to be…Dr. Wily himself!

(While still talking, they are blow back by a small explosion)

Shadowstrike: Ow…

Starnik: All right, who did that?

(The smoke from the explosion clears, revealing…)

Starnik and Shadowstrike: Darksage!

Controlled Darksage: …

Starnik: I would have never thought in a million years it was him.

Shadowstrike: Hey, look under his eyes, they’re all black. Plus his hands are shaking…

Starnik: I figured it out!

Shadowstrike: Yes?

Starnik: He has been possessed by a giant alien mind control ray, just like that late, late, late movie I watched once, “The Giant Alien Mind Control Ray”.

Shadowstrike: Actually, I think he’s been taken over by the hands every time he fell asleep.

Starnik: Or that too.

Controlled Darksage: *hand retracts, fires again*

(Starnik and Shadowstrike dodge the bomb)

Shadowstrike: Hey Sage, wake up!

Starnik: It’s not working.

(Cyros and Cinder enter the room, back from their trip)

Cinder: The horror…the horror…

Cyros: Hey, what’s up? *gets knocked back by a blast* Nevermind.

(Iga walks in, newly glued)

Iga: Did you figure out who… *gets knocked back as well* Silly question.

Shadowstrike: He’s been possessed by the hands.

Starnik: Yeah. We need a way to sneak up behind him and stop him.

(As if on cue, Naoshi, newly repaired, sneaks in, right behind Darksage)

Naoshi: Yes, it’s my opportunity to save the day! You guys thought I’m some retard, but I’m not! I’m going to stop Darksage. I’m going to save the day. I’m going to…

(The theme from “Popeye” plays outside from a truck)

Naoshi: ICE CREAM! *runs outside*

Shadowstrike: Wow, THAT was a surprise. *rolls eyes*

Cyros: I’ll stop him, TIME FREEZE!

(Darksage’s hands reflect the time stopped, sending it back to Cyros)

Cyros: Damn… *is frozen*

Cinder: Great, he’s blocking the doorway and can reflect our attacks.

Shadowstrike: Anyone else with any bright ideas?

Controlled Darksage: … *still firing rapidly*

Cinder: We have to wake him up or knock him out.

Starnik: No $#!&.

Iga: Hey Starnik, can’t you speed your way past him?

Starnik: If I could without getting hit, don’t you think I would’ve left you guys out to dry by now?

Iga: Too true.

Controlled Darksage: … *advancing*

Iga: We’ve backed up into a corner guys.

Shadowstrike: I think this is it.

(As Darksage gets ready to fire a point blank bomb, as is hit from behind, knocked out.)

All: BEN!

Ben: *with a baseball bat* No stupid hands are ever going to upstage me as the team psycho!

Shadowstrike: Nice work ben.

Ben: Hey ‘strike?

Shadowstrike: Yes?

Ben: *knocks out Airman with the bat* That’s for thinking you can get away with drugging me!

Cyros: *now unfrozen* YAY!

Ben: *knocks out Flashman* That’s for being dumb enough to be framed! *looks at Starnik, who is in monolougue*

Starnik: *speaking* So, as the world’s greatest detective, the world's greatest mystery is now… *gets knocked out*

Ben: That’s for being more annoying than usual.

Cinder: Are you sure that was needed?

Ben: *knocks out Bubbleman* That’s for questioning my motives! *knocks out Woodman* That is just for being made of wood! *looks around* Where’s the metal moron?

(Mr. Whiz goes by in the hall, wheeling a wheel barrel carrying Naoshi’s parts)

Mr. Whiz: He got hit by the ice cream truck when he threw himself in front of it trying to stop it. It’s a good thing the driver had a M.E.R.A.B. installed on the steering wheel. *walks off*

Ben: Memo to self: Kill Whiz later for showing cleavage. *looks down at Crashman’s hands* I guess there is only one thing left to do…

Later, in Ben’s lab…

(Everyone is in the lab, huddled around the operating table)

Ben: Okay, that should do it.

Darksage: *sitting up on the table* Thanks Ben for removing the hands.

Ben: You’re welcome. I couldn’t stand another psycho being in the castle, plus it counts as my good deed for the year as well. *puts the jar containing the hands on a shelf*

Shadowstrike: It’s good to have you back, bud.

Naoshi: *sees the hands back in a jar* My precious! They are mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! *quietly grabs the jar*

Darksage: Yeah, but too bad I have to live without hands again.

(As Naoshi tries to run off, the hands break free)

Naoshi: Uh oh.

Starnik: Don’t worry about it Sage, I’m sure you’ll still be fine.

Naoshi: *getting strangled by the evil hands* Help…me…

Darksage: I guess you’re right. *grabs a bottle of water*

Shadowstrike: I asked it before and I’ll ask it again, how the heck can you do that without hands?

Darksage: Hey, I’m a sage!

All: *laughing*

Naoshi: *still getting beat up* Help…M.E.R.A.B…please…

Cyros: Yeah, and Naoshi is Naoshi!

All: *laughing*

Naoshi: …medic…