Wily's Warriors - Season 2 - Versus the Sinister Six

by Ben

Starnik as Quick Man Darksage as Crash Man
Ben as Heat Man Cyros as Flash Man
Cinder as Bubble Man Naoshi as Metal Man
Shadowstrike as Air Man Iga as Wood Man

Narrator: It is late at night in the long, dank corridors of Skull Castle as Bass walks into Dr. Wily's Lab.

Bass: Okay Doc it's time for your *shudder* sponge bath.

Wily: Vait! I'm am almost finished my newest invention!

Bass: If it's that watch that turns beavers into gold, THAT'S BEEN INVENTED ALREADY YOU OLD BAG.

Wily: No eet's even a vorse veapon look!

*Wily reveal what looks to be a super soaker with metal plates and LEDs attached*

Wily: Behold! The Mime-O-Ray! Vant a demonstration?

Bass: No, I want to get this sponge bath over with so I can beat that blue bumbler.

Wily: Tough. *Pulls back a certain to reveal a certain loser tied to a post*

Clay: *Sniff* You said you loved me!

Wily: Vah, vah I say a lot of things Mr. Aiken. Behold my awesome power! *Fires the Mime-o-Ray at Clay Aiken*

*The violet beam restructures loser molecule by molecule, so that he resembles a mime complete with make-up, striped shirt and pink leotard.*

Clay: ... *Tries to do a few gestures but can't due to be bound*

Wily: It vorks! It vorks!

Bass: You old fool, it's just another useless invention of yours.

Wily: On the contrary you fin-headed moron! Eet vill make people docile like a flock of sheep and they vill accept me as their ruler...

Mysterious Figure: That's why you're coming with us doctor.

Wily: *Twists around* You?!

Mysterious Figure 2: Yes us, grab him.

Wily: Bass! Protect me you imbecile!

Bass: *Sigh* Alright weaklings, I'll make this.. *Steps forword, but the first figure figures a viscious liquid that slips up Bass* CLANK!

Mysterious Figure 2: *Fires a lick of flame that ignites the slick*


Wily: *Backs away* No, stay back...

Mysterious Figure 1: *Fires a coal-black, sticky oozes that binds Wily*


*The next morning in the living room, already full of activity. Like Ben plotting to conquer Asia Minor*

Heatman: ...then after I ransack Ankara! I shall take Constantinople!

Woodman: But I thought it was Istanbul.

Metalman: Yeah, not Constantinople.

Woodman: So if you've a date in Constantinople...?

Metalman: She'll be waiting in Istanbul.

Heatman: SILENCE!

Quickman: *Shakes head as he passes by* Now to get to that to that Reboot Marathon.

*He comes to the couch where Cyros and Shadowstrike are playing their DSs*

Quickman: Where's the remote, there's 26 episodes of Reboot and they won't watch themselves.

Flashman: Wily locked up the remotes last week after Ben tried to kill him.

Airman: Again!


Wily: Ah! Got, my popcorn, coke and my 'Pretty in Pink' DVD. This vill be the perfect night.

*Wily presses some buttons, the TV doesn't turn on. Instead the remote make a beeping noise*

Remote: Beep, Beep, Beep, Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Wily: Gott.



Quickman: Dammit Ben! Wily's liable to reprogram you if you keep that up!

Heatman: I'd like to see him try, his little guard dog Bass is not so tough. He's still polishing his posterior after our last brawl!


Flashman: Haven't seen him all morning.

Airman: Me neither.

Rest of the Warriors: We neither.

Quickman: Great, now how am I going to get the remote?

Cosgrove: Hey Warriors!

Quickman: Hiya Cosgrove.

Cosgrove: Want to go to the Star Trek Convention?

Warriors: DO WE?!

*Hours later the Warriors and Cosgrove exit the Monsteropolis Convention Center, everyone wearing Vulcan ears and holding bootleg copies of "The Cage" and the second pilot "Where No Man Has Gone Before"*

Bubbleman: Wow, I've had so much fun!

Heatman: I can hardly believe they let me beat up William Shatner! I'm not washing the blood off these hands.

Cosgrove: Yeah, I think I overdid it on the Klingon coffee. Anyway, word on the street is that the Sinister Six kidnapped Wily. Better think you should check it out.

Quickman: Will do Cosgrove, thanks!

*Cosgrove leaves in his squad car*

Flashman: Now why would the Six want to kidnap Wily?

Heatman: Who cares? I want to pound Fireman's head in.

Quickman: WARRIORS AWAY!!!

Warriors: ...

Quickman: I said WARRIORS AWAY!

Airman: Do you really think the Sinister Six would kidnap Wily like that?

Quickman: C'mon would Cosgrove lie to us? He took us out for Fat-Free Yougurt last Tuesday.

Crashman: ...and he took us to "Wicked" last week.

Flashman: Guys, he didn't say which Sinister Six. Shouldn't we investigate Wily's Lab first.

Quickman: If you and 'Strike want to play detective so badly, go ahead. We're going to go to the Sinister Six's house.

Heatman: Can we beat the answers out of them?

Quickman: Sure... whatever.

Narrator: ...and so the Warriors split up, Starnik's team takes the bus to Sinister Six headquarters.

Heatman: Let me handle this, this will require some diplomacy.

Quickman: Which you were never skilled in!

Heatman: Grrrr... *Rings the doorbell*

*The door creaks open*

Fireman: *Looks down at Ben* You!

Heatman: Yes me! I'm gonna mess you up pretty boy!

Bubbleman: Oi vey.

Fireman: *Dropkicks Ben across the street, slamming the door behind him* You want a piece of me?! Bring it on Zippo! Taste my Fire Storm! *Leaps into the air, retracting his hand and fires a wall of conflagaration*

Heatman: *Counters with a blast of Atomic Fire* Is that the best you can do ya delusional fruitcake?! *Overpowers Fireman and sends him flying into another house, causing it to burst into flames*

Fireman: *Jumps from the flaming wreckage* Fruitcake?!

Metalman: Wow that went to heck in a hand basket PDQ.

Quickman: *Sigh* Who's next?

Crashman: I'll go. *Rings the doorbell*

Bombman: *Opens the door* You!

Crashman: You!

Bombman: I gave you an apple pie to polish my bomb collection and you didn't do it!

Crashman: That apple pie was terrible.


Crashman: MAKE ME!

Bombman: Let's wrassle! *Tackles Crashman*

Quickman: *Sighs* Who's next?

Narrator: And so, after fime times at trying to contact the Sinister Six, one of them finally makes headway...

Gutsman: Hello?

Woodman: *Punches Gutsman in the jaw*

Gutsman: Ow, what'd you to that for?!

Woodman: Everyone else did. *Points back to the WW/S6 battle that has pretty much demolished the neighborhood with their fighting*

Gutsman: ...and the real estate company wonders why they haven't sold a house here for five years. *groan* EVERYONE! SIMMER DOWN NOW!

*Suddenly everyone stops fighting*

Heatman: *Socks Fireman on the head* Didn't do it!

Fireman: *Suckerpunches Ben* Neither did I!

Heatman: Son of a...!

Gutsman: QUIET! *Glares at Starnik* What is this about?!

Quickman: We heard from Cosgrove, that you kidnapped Wily. Wily has the remote and I want to watch my REBOOT MARATHON DAMMIT!

Gutsman: Well we don't have Wily, sorry guys.

Elecman: Heck, we haven't fought him in like... three months?

Bubbleman: Seriously?

Six: YES!

Crashman: Then who did...?

*While the Warriors and the Six are licking their wounds, the bus arrives, Shadowstrike and Cyros disembark*

Quickman: Great, we're stuck at the beginning.

Airman: Not quite. We found something in Wily's lab... *Holds out a baggie with a piece of the doctor labcoat stained with...*

Quickman: *Snatches it* CRUDE OIL?

Flashman: Yeah, that means you fought the wrong Sinister Six.

Warriors: X_X *Fall over*

Quickman: A heh, no hard feelings right Gutsie?

Gutsman: Actually you wouldn't believe how often this happens...

Iceman: *Looks to Fireman* Remember that scrap we had with the Ascendant Androids?

Fireman: Don't remind me. My butt still hurts from that one.

Metalman: So where can we find this other Sinister Six?

Gutsman: You'll find them at...

Narrator: ...and so our intepid heroes find their way to the Mosteropolis Dump.

Quickman: God these Sinister Phonies, must've lost their sense of smell!

Woodman: It's times like these I'm glad I don't have a nose.

Crashman: Oh you lucky bastards. Where are we going to find these garbage-munching creep? This is the biggest landfill in country they could...

Woodman: Actually, the Monsteropolis Landfill is the biggest dump on the planet.

Crashman: Thanks for that bit of useless info brainiac!

Heatman: You guys! Can it! Those sinister fakes are in that shack over there *Points with his thumb*

Quickman: Ooooh, did you use your super powers of deduction?

Heatman: No, I just read the sign jackass. *Moves aside to reveal the sign*

Sign: Sinistur Six SEcrEt HQ up AheAd, NO SOLICITORS!

Warriors: ...

Flashman: They aren't that bright... aren't they.

*The warriors approach the shack, Quickman knocks on the door*

Sharkman: Who is it?

Quickman: *Worst feminine voice* Avon lady!

Sharkman: *Swings the door open* So you have some moisterizer... HEY! You're the...! *Gets blown away by 'Strikes Air Shooter*


Torchman: Warriors! I should've known you lapdogs would've come for your master!

Waveman: I knew they would but you didn't listen to me.

Bitman: Shut up you big baby.

Waveman: *sniff* I'm not a baby.

Quickman: These guys make us look functional... -_-
Okay, Torchman give us back Wily go or this'll get ugly.

Torchman: Is that the best you can do? We have the ultimate power at our disposal, with Wily's Mime-O-Ray we'll turn those phonies in the Sinister Six and the Mechanical Maniacs and people well finally respect us and threat us as the...

Metalman: Uh Torch?

Torchman: Yes?

Metalman: You're starting to monolgue.

Torchman: I am? Oh sorry, behold my genius!

Oilman: Your genius?! It was my idea to steal they Mime-O-Ray! It was me who reprogrammed it to bounce of the satellite grid!

Torchman: But it couldn't had been done without my VISION!

Oilman: Yeah, right... you can't even brush your own teeth.

Torchman: Behold! Our first victim!

*A light shines on a gagged Dr. Wily while a ceiling it aimed at him*

Wily: You miserable rejects! I'll see that you are dismantled for this!

Torchman: Blademan! Activate the Mime-O-Ray!

Blademan: Sure thing boss! *Walks into the wall* THUD!

Torchman: *Sigh* Oilman?

Oilman: My pleasure.

Wily: You hear me! You're scrap metal... YOU'RE DEA....

*The Mime-O-Ray's beam hits Wily and he's transformed into a mime...*

Wily: ...

Torchman: See Warriors?! You can no... *Notices the Warriors are kissing his hands in gratitude*

Quickman: Thankyouthankyoythankyou!

Bubbleman: No more yelling!

Woodman: No more headaches!

Torchman: Stop that! *Smacks them away* You know too much already, enjoy your petty existence as mimes!

Quickman: Oh there's one thing, I'd like to say.

Torchman: Yes?

Quickman: The Legion of Super-Pets* called, they wanted to say your group was even lamer than theirs!

(*No joke, they exist... or existed who's keeping count anymore?)

Torchman: What?!

Quickman: Yeah, Ambush Bug, Matter-Eater Lad, you all make them look as cool as Spidey or Iron Man!

Torchman: You will pay for that! *Commandeers the control panel and set it to manual and fires*

Quickman: *Dodges the beam* Is that the best you can do? Even Rain Man can aim better than you! *Dodges another beam*

Airman: What is he doing?

Heatman: It's all a destraction, WARRIORS ATTACK!

*The warriors pounce on the faux-S6*

Blademan: Take this! You tin-headed fools!!!*Fires his Blade Launcher repeatedly*

Metalman: Uh, Blademan?

Blademan: Yes?

Metalman: I'm over here.

Blademan: You are? Sorry. *Turns around only to have his cannon-arm sawed off*

Metalman: Now give up.

Blademan: Hah! Tis nothing but a scratch!

Metalman: Scratch? Your freakin' arm is off!

Blademan: No it isn't.

Metalman: Then what is that?! *Points to Blade's severed arm*

Blademan: I've had worse.

Metalman: You liar!

Blademan: Come on ya pans-say!

*While Naoshi and Blademan continue their infringement of Monty Python, Ben makes a dash for Torchman and the control console. Only to be stoped by Waveman.*

Waveman: This'll be easy, I know your weakness Ben!

Heatman: Oh no! Waveman's going to read me his crappy poetry... woe is me...

Waveman: My poems are not crappy.

Heatman: I've read them all on Deviantart. "Oh no one listens to me." "Nobody wants to be my friend." "My live is a black hole or despair."

Waveman: *Tear rolls down his chassis* Sniff! Stop it.

Heatman: What are you going to do, cut yourself? Hell, I'll buy you the razors!

Waveman: YOU BASTARD! *Runs to his 'Cry Room' sobbing*

Heatman: Too easy. *Beelines it for control but gets slipped up by Oil Man's Oil Stream* Thud!

Oilman: Torch! We're getting creamed out here! We need to call out the Auxilary!

Quickman: *Dodges* Awwwwww... too slow, want me do go slower?

Torchman: Grr! *Fires*

Quickman: *Dodges* Changed my mind!

Oilman: *Sighs* I'll do it myself then. *Presses the big red button*

Heatman: *Gets up and death glares Oil* Wanna see why zippos and oil don't mix.

Oilman: Oh fudruckers...


*Meanwhile in the cellar, the three warriors from the first PC adventure are sitting in their lair littered with three years worth of wrappers from McDonalds, Burger King and every fast, watching reruns of of "Who's the Boss?" on television.*

Sonicman: How long do you figure we've been sitting here?

Dynaman: It's been years man.

Sonicman: Do you think they'll ever need us?

Voltman: What's that flashing red light?

Dynaman: Sweet Marmalade on Toast! That's the emergency light!

Sonicman: Yay! We're needed!

*And so... the Warriors have the fake six on the ropes with Blademan now an immobile torso, Waveman locked in his room drowning himself in tears and Oilman burned to a crisp.*

Sharkman: I'll rip you Wilys Weiners apart. *Lunges at Cyros*

Flashman: Is that the best you can do? *Freezes Sharkman with his Time Stopper and pelts him with a rapidfire barrage of plasma bullets, slamming him into the wall*

Airman: Even Steven Hawking put up a better fight. *Blasts Sharkman with a hurricane force which slams him through the wall and halfway across Monseropolis*

Flashman: That's four down and two more to go.

Bitman: Die! *Charges at Iga and Sage firing his Bit Cannon in a kamikaze attack*

Woodman: *Blocks with the Leaf Shield and when the attacks relent he lowers the shield.*

Crashman: Want to see some real firepower? *All the comparments housing the weapons lauchers open* YIPPIE KYE YAY @!#@#$@@er! *Fires a relentless barrage of missiles and Crash Bombs that blow Bit Man apart*

Woodman: Looks like the last of them.

Flashman: Except for Torchman of course.

Sonicman: Not so fast warriors you still have to face us!

*The Warriors turn around*

Dynaman: Hey! They trashed the Sinister Six!

Voltman: Imagine what they can to us!

Sonicman: Retreat!

*The "Sinister Six" Auxilary starts to retreat, screaming all the way.*

Bubbleman: Not so fast!

*Bubbleman summons a tidal wave of Bubble Lead at the fleeing Auxilary, burying tem under the heavy bubbles*

Dynaman: Can't...breathe...

Voltman: Good bye cruel world... WEEZE!

Heatman: Hhn, looks like those upgrades I gave you did the trick.

Bubbleman: Don't you know it.

Metalman: Let's go beat Torchman silly!

Heatman: As much as I hate to say it. Something tells he the loathesome idiot will get his comeuppance.

Woodman: That's... restrained of you...

Heatman: No, this is Torchman. It's more fun when his plans blow up in his face.

*Starniks starts dodging the Mime-O-Ray by dancing like an old Russian cossack*

Quickman: HEY! *dodge* HEY! *dodge* HEY! *dodge* HEY! *dodge*


Quickman: Oh I can keep this up all day, I don't think your machine can however...

*The Mime-O-Ray starts to overheat and smoke while the console blows a few circuits and some sparks*

Torchman: GAH! *Backs away from the flaming console*

*Starnik runs towards Torchman at superspeed and gives him a hypersonic beatdown*


*Beaten like a sack of flour and with his armor dented up like a NASCAR wreck, Torchman is left wobbling*

Torchman: No mommy I want the yellow one... *Pushed over by Starnik* THUD!

Quickman: Mess with the best and get beaten lik the rest. Loooooooooo-hoooooooser.

*The warriors untie Dr. Wily*

Quickman: Wily? Where do you keep the remotes?

Wily: *Makes a series of incomprehensable gestures, confusing the Warriors further.*

Quickman: Did anyone understand that?

Crashman: Does it look like I speak mime?

Quickman: Now how will I watch the Reboot Marathon?!

Heatman: Easy, we get a universal remote.

Woodman: We can get them from Best Buy.

Quickman: Why didn't you suggest that earlier?

Woodman: You never asked.

Narrator: ...and so with a mime-ified Dr. Wily, the Warroirs leave the faux-Sinister Six's lair, make a stop to Best Buy, then head back to Skull Castle to enjoy the Reboot Marathon.

TV: Reboot!

Quickman: Ah, this is the life thirty consecutive shows of Reboot and Wily can't yell at us.

Wily: *Makes a threatening gestures*

Crashman: *Kicks Wily* No using that language!

Bubbleman: *Notices Ben has been eeriely quiet* What's up Ben, you're usually giddy after you satisfied your bloodlust.

Heatman: Oh, there was something about Fireman that bothered me...

Quickman: Fireman always bothers you.

Heatman: Hhn, maybe it's a faulty memory chip but was his mind copied from mine?

Bubbleman: Did you have anything to drink last night Ben?

Heatman: About twenty budweisers. Why?

Bubbleman: That explains it *_*. If you recalled your earliest memories you'd know your designs were based off of his , hence you were always deadly rivals. Didn't help when you took his name...

Flashman: Heheheheh, Fireman didn't like it when you did that... 'Patrick'

*Ben jumps Cyros and starts strangling him*

Heatman: I told you once, I told you a million times. CALL ME THAT NAME AND I WILL KILL YOU!

Quickman: Hey can you keep it down?! I'm trying to watch the TV! Seesh... *Shakes head as Ben continues to choke Cyros*