Wilys Warriors - Episode
16 - Trial... OF THE CENTURY!
Starnik as Quick Man
Rainer Fatalis as Crash Man
Ben as Heat Man
Johnny "Toasta" as Flash Man
ShadowBlade as Bubble Man
Life Virus "Pointy" as Metal Man
Pharon as Air Man
Koala as Wood Man
LAST TIME ON... WILYS WARRIORS!
Heat Man: What, you expect us to do a bloody recap? Go read Episode 15, you lazy bums!
Quick Man: Yeesh, wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Ben?
Heat Man: Well, you know, LITIGATION tends to do that to me!
Quick Man: Oh please... What could Wily possibly have on us? We don't even face off against the guy...
Dr. Wily: True, you do pester my annoying Holographic program's schemes rather than my own... that's why I know you'll be PERFECT in my latest plans to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! NEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!
Quick Man: Er... Doc, I don't know if anyone told you this or not... but we're "good guys" now. We don't go for that whole "World domination" thing anymore.
Dr. Wily: *confidently* Oh... you will, once you're mine again... legally! Then you'll have no way of escaping!
Bubble Man: Oh yeah? And how do you plan to do that?
Dr. Wily: Simple... I'm suing you for name infringement, and asking the court for you to be placed under my care, as you ARE all my property...
Crash Man: That's INSANE! No reasonable Judge in the world would go along with that plan!
Bass: Precisely! That's why we got an UNreasonable judge!
Bailiff: All rise... CUZ HERE COME DA JUDGE!
*smoke flairs, and out of the cloud comes a terribly familiar 90s pop icon...*
Judge Judy: Siddown! All of ya! Let's get this circus started!
Flash Man: ...We're in trouble, aren't we?
Heat Man: Like you wouldn't BELIEVE.
Quick Man: Don't worry! I've already called our lawyer. I've seen enough courtroom dramas to know the best lawyer always wins, and I got us a doozy!
Bubble Man: But... how are we going to afford a lawyer? We can't even make rent!
Quick Man: Oh Shadowblade. Shadowblade, Shadowblade, Shadowblade. You don't need "money". I'm using this! *branishes a plastic credit card* A Magical Goodies Creator!
*The Warriors all look at Starnik with shocked looks*
Heat Man: Who in their right MINDS would give YOU a credit card?!
Quick Man: ...Rainer did.
Crash Man: You used MY Credit Card?!
Quick Man: Oh look at you, YOUR credit card, YOUR internet account, YOUR toothbrush... there's no "I" in team, mister!
Crash Man: You used my TOOTHBRUSH?!
*suddenly, interrupting the squabbling Warriors, the courtroom doors open dramatically!*
Jackie Chiles: Your honor! The fact that my clients are here is irreprehensible! It's outrageous, contagious, and fallacious! I demand an immediate dismissal of the charges!
Heat Man: ...I don't think all those words even made SENSE...
Flash Man: Oy, now I know what they mean by courtroom "drama"... I mean, Jackie Chiles?
Quick Man: *shrugs* Best lawyer from Seinfeld! Man, I loved that show...
Crash Man: Why didn't you get us a REAL LAWYER?!
Quick Man: Define "real".
Crash Man: Gah... grack... *eye twitches, foam exits mouth*
Dr. Wily: Very good... I should have expected you to hire such a capable lawyer, my Warriors...
Crash Man: *in the background* IS EVERYONE INSANE?!
Dr. Wily: However! I came prepared... BEHOLD! MY MIGHTEST ROBOT MASTER YET! LAWYER MAAAAAAAN!
*The doors to the courtroom open slowly, as a well-dressed, grey-haired man walks in, past the still-raving Jackie Chiles, and sits down next to Dr. Wily*
Bubble Man: Wait... that isn't a robot master... It's... it's...!
Quick Man: *beaming with fan-boyish glee* It's Jack McCoy from the greatest TV show EVER, Law and Order!
Jack McCoy: *calmly* Your honor... My client would like to get this trial underway as soon as possible.
Judge Judy: I would like that as well, Mr. McCoy. Mr. Chiles? SIT YO' BUTT DOWN!
Jackie Chiles: This trial is outrageous! *sits anyways*
Judge Judy: Now if we may continue with opening arguments...
Jack McCoy: Thank you your honor. *stands up* Your honor, today we plan to show the court how irresponsibly these robots having been dragging my client's good name through the mud. Their actions show a blatant disregard for societies' laws, and are as a group and individuals, clearly unfit to look after themselves. It is our intention to show that the group, "Wilys Warriors" as they call themselves, should have their citizenship revoked and be returned to care of my client. Thank you. *sits*
Quick Man: *stands up, clapping* WOOOO! YEAH! GO JACK! YOU DA' MAN! YOU DA' MAAAAN!
Metal Man: ...I don't think he's helping our case.
Jackie Chiles: Perhaps we can plea insanity...
Judge Judy: Alright Mr. Chiles! Let's have your Opening statement!
Jackie Chiles: Thank you, your honor. Now, these charges would be laughable if they-
Judge Judy: Thank you, Mr. Chiles, your time is up.
Jackie Chiles: ...I beg your pardon?
Judge Judy: Don't make me repeat myself! I'm tough but fair!
Jackie Chiles: This is an infringement on my client's constitutional rights! It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous!
Judge Judy: Sit DOWN Mr. Chiles!
Jackie Chiles: *grumbles*
Judge Judy: Now then, Mr. McCoy? I believe you have some character witnesses?
Jack McCoy: Yes your honor. If I may introduce... Vic Nightshade!
Vic Nightshade: Heeyooo! Hi everyone! Pleasure to be here!
Jack McCoy: Mr. Nightshade... tell us, how had the news been before the Warriors moved into town?
Vic Nightshade: Oh, it was terribly boring. All we had were to report on were kittens stuck in trees, and how hot or cold it was.
Jack McCoy: And now?
Vic Nightshade: Oh MAN! There are fires almost every day, and whole sections of the town are decimated at LEAST once a week...
Jack McCoy: And would it be fair to say the Warriors had a hand in these events?
Vic Nightshade: At least every one that I know of!
Jack McCoy: Thank you Mr. Nightshade. Now I would like to call to the stand...
Jackie Chiles: Wait! Don't I get to cross-examine this witness?!
Judge Judy: *looking at watch* Eh... no. Call your next witness, Mr. McCoy.
Jack McCoy: Thank you, your honor. I would now like to call in the Olsen Twins....
*Many hours later...*
Mr. Whiz: Oh yeah! And that guy they got leadin' 'em, that "Starnik" or Quick Man or whatever he calls himself, is a TOTAL rip-off of me! I mean, look at him, he's the exact opposite colors I am!
Bubble Man: Starnik, are you going to just take that from him?!
Quick Man: *stares dreamily at McCoy* Law and Order... best show... ever....
Crash Man: ...Oooookay. That is just disturbing.
Jack McCoy: Your honor, we rest our case.
Judge Judy: Mr. Chiles, do you have any witnesses?
Bubble Man: Your honor, Mr. Chiles left us halfway through the proceedings.
Judge Judy: Okay, then do YOU have any witnesses, Mr.... Scuba.... robot... whatever?
Bubble Man: Uh.... I don't think so...
Judge Judy: Alright then, yadda yadda yadda, I gotta get to a golf game in an hour, so I'm just going to rule in favor of the plaintiff and we'll call it a day, okay? Okay.
Dr. Wily: *jumping up* YESSSS! I win I win I don't loose I WIN!
Quick Man: Geeze, way to GO Bubble Man. Way to handle our case!
Bubble Man: ...What?
Metal Man: Yeah, it's all your fault, Shadowblade!
Bubble Man: ....WHAT?!
Dr. Wily: *ominously* Come along, my Warriors, I have many things for you to do...
GASP! Say it ain't so, Moe! The Warriors under the control of Dr. Wily? How will our heroes deal with this unexpected twist of events? And what dastardly deeds does the nefarious Dr. Wily have in store?
Heat Man: ...you're kidding, right?
...I so totally am. I think a blind badger locked in a box saw this coming.
Heat Man: Well, I guess I'll just have to start making Wily's life a living hell now...