Wilys Warriors -
Episode 14 - Metroid Madness
by Heat Man
Starnik as Quick Man
Tails28 as Crash Man
Ben as Heat Man
Johnny "Toasta" as Flash Man
ShadowBlade as Bubble Man
Life Virus "Pointy" as Metal Man
Pharon as Air Man
Koala as Wood Man
Heat: (Walking down the stairs) Guys, I'm working on something and if any of you go into my workshop I will kill you all. Slowly and painfully.
Starnik: For the love of cripes Ben don't worry. We don't care what you do up there.
Heat: Good and I need to use your car 'Crashie'.
Crash: Oh no, you're not driving without my supervision. I don't want a repeat of the last time I let you borrow it.
Heat: Hey! I drove into that playground because that little punk looked at me funny.
Starnik: You got to wonder why they do that…
Heat: You want to die?!
Crash: Calm down, let's go before you lose your temper. (Drags Ben away to the car)
(When they hear the engine start and the car driving down the road Starnik smirks)
Starnik: Okay Ben, lesse what you're hiding up there.
Bubble: I thought you said you didn't care what he was doing.
Starnik: Okay I lied. Sue me.
Flash: Ugggg… Ben really needs to clean this mess up. I can't find anything amongst his world domination plans and what's this… HE PLANS TO QUARTER ME AND FEED MY REMAINS TO MURRAY?!
Bubble: Nah, Murray won't go for that. He's allergic to you.
Starnik: I should get you guys to clean this up sometime.
Pointy: Hey guys what's this?
(They all turn around to find…)
Koala: Good lord! It's a Metroid!
Pointy: A whasis?
Flash: A metroid! A cute but deadly alien!
Starnik: Where in tarnation did you find it?
Pointy: Oh I found it in a container over there. (Points)
(While Pointy er… points the metroid floats from his hand and bounds across the workshop)
Metroid: Scree! Scree!
Pharon: Catch that metroid!
Starnik: Leave it to me. (Runs after the metroid but trips over a pile of Ben's stuff) OOF!
Metroid: Scree! (Bounds out an open window)
Bubble: Well great, there it goes.
Flash: Pointy you idiot! You unleashed an unimaginable plague on the human race!
Pointy: So that means no dessert for me?
Bubble: Shouldn't we be searching for our errant little metroid?
Starnik: Screw that! I'm not chasing after anything on an empty stomach.
Pharon: To the kitchen…
(A while later in Megalopolis Park)
(A couple runs away screaming)
Woman: It's hideous!
Man: Run for your life!
Gutsdozer: Wait! You no want to be Gutsdozer's friend? (Sighs as they run away) Me very lonely.
Metroid: Scree! (Hops onto Gutsdozer's shoulder)
Gutsdozer: You be Gutsdozer's friend?
Metroid: Scree! (Splits into two)
Gutsdozer: You both by Gutsdozer's friends? (Picks up one with his right hand) You be Binky (Picks the other with his left) You be Winky. We'll be best friends.
Winky: Scree! Scree!
(Back at the Warriors Compound)
Crash: We're back!
Pointy: Oh Ben guess what? Guess what?
Koala: Pointy! Don't!
Heat: Let the dingus speak.
Pointy: We went up to your workshop and accidentally freed your metroid!
Pharon: It was Starnik's idea!
Koala: Yeah! It's his fault! Maim him and not us!
Starnik: You traitors!
Heat: YOU FRIGGIN' IDIOTS!
Heat: I kept that thing in a lead crystal container to block it from beta radiation exposure from our sun.
Flash: Uh, so?
Heat: If you expose it to beta radiation it will start multiplying like rabbits in heat! DO YOU WANT TO END CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT?!
Flash: No not really…
Heat: Good because you morons better listen to me and listen well.
(Then at the Megalopolis Amphitheater, Clay Aiken is having a concert for it adoring fans who are screaming)
I wish I could be
A fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealing your dreams
Why can't I breathe
You into my life
So tell me
What would it take
To make you see that I'm alive
If I was invisible
Then I could just
Watch you in your room
If I was invinci... what the heck!?
Binky: Scree scree! (Attaches itself to Clays face)
Clay: (Muffled) No! Get it off, GET IT OFF!
(Binky starts sucking the life energy out of Clay, who then crumbles to dust)
(Fifteen other metroids descend upon a panicking crowd sucking the life energy out of several people and then duplicate into 32 metroids sucking on life energy)
Gutsdozer: (Rolls in) No! Bad Binky! Bad Winky! Bad Tinky! Bad... friends!
Gutsdozer: Uggg. Gutsdozer have too many friends.
(After a complete refitting courtesy of Ben the Warriors stand assembled in their living room.)
Flash: Why did you insist on refitting us? I don't like the idea of a little psycho playing around with my parts.
Starnik: Oh... nothing. Nothing at all.
Heat: Ahem! I taken the liberty to alter Flash Man's Time Stopper into a 'Flash Freezing' device that will instantly freeze the Metroids in place.
Starnik: Why do we need to freeze the little buggers?
Heat: Because they are so damn hard to kill otherwise. I've also altered the detonators of Crash's weapon so they'll detonate on impact hopefully able to wipe a lot of Metroids at the same time.
Crash: Oh that reminds be how in Sodom and Gomorra did you manage to get a metroid?
Heat: None of your damn business!
Crash: Fair enough. But how should we know where the metroid (or metroids) are?
Bubble: Yeah, thanks to the powers that be, the answers should come to us conveniently as we turn on the TV... now! (Click)
(The TV turns on)
Vic Nightshade: And that's how a goose saved a flaming bus full of orphans from going over a cliff. In other news a flock of metroids have descended on Megalopolis sucking the life out of thousands of Clay Aiken concert goers and picnickers. He have a reporter on the scene; Seymour Buttzcowski, what's the situation like?
Seymour: It's bad Vic, there's panic everywhere and people are dying. It's just terrible.
Vic: Seymour, are there any leads on who's behind this attack?
Seymour: I can't say for sure but witnesses are saying they found Gutsdozer following the metroids and his boss Alien Wily has set up a force field so no one can escape... Oh sweet lord in heaven!
Vic: What is it Seymour?
Seymour: The metroids are descending upon us! Tell my wife I love her.... ARGH!
Metroids: Scree! (Latch onto Seymour and his cameraman)
(They are both reduced to dust in a matter of seconds)
Vic: (Unknowing of he's on the air he chuckles) Man, with a name like 'Seymour Butts' it's amazing he already didn't kill himself.
Gloria: Vic you idiot! We're on the air...
Vic: Oh sh...
(ShadowBlade turns the TV off)
Bubble: So that means my fellow Warriors that Gutsdozer found Ben's runaway metroid and his boss Alien Wily has found a way to exploit them. Thus we have to stop him before he unleashes them on the east coast.
Starnik: That sounds like a brilliant plan except that you…
Bubble: Way ahead of you I plotted a course through the storm sewers into the park thus bypassing the force field Alien Wily set up.
Starnik: Curse you and your preparedness ShadowBlade.
Koala: To the storm sewers!
Starnik: That's my line!
Alien Wily: (Knocks it away) I never thought I'd see the day. When an oaf such as yourself actually does something useful.
Gutsdozer: Gutsdozer did?
Alien Wily: Yes… The metroid you found multiplied into a swarm all will serve a great purpose for my plans for domination!
Gutsdozer: Don't hurt. They my friends!
Alien Wily: Oh don't worry I'll won't. I won't hurt these precious little… (Tries to pet a metroid but gets bitten) OW! Creatures.
Dragon: (Flies in) Guys, we have a problem.
Alien Wily: What is it?
Dragon: Guess who just arrived.
(Flash freezes a swarm of metroids)
Flash: Take that you little buggers!
(Crash fires off a pair of Crash Bombs, Which shatter the frozen metroids to pieces and knocks the Warriors back.)
Starnik: Talk about a kickback. What did you do to his weapon?
Heat: Oh I altered Crash so the explosive payload of the Crash Bomb would go up by about three-fold.
Crash: You didn't tell me that!
Heat: I tried but Flash was whining so much you didn't hear.
Pointy: So Flash is a sissy? Ha ha!
Flash: Shut up! All of you!
(There's a low rumbling, indicating the behemoth known as Gutsdozer rolls in madder than a stampede of bulls)
Gutsdozer: You hurt Gutsdozer's friends! Now Gutsdozer hurt you!
Pharon: Not so fast!
Koala: That's right for you're no match for the…
Starnik: JUST CAN IT AND ATTACK HIM!
Koala: Right, right!
(Both charge Gutsdozer and get slapped around like wet towels)
Starnik: Crash, Pointy make sure they don't hurt themselves.
Crash: Okay but what about you and the others?
Starnik: Oh I'm sure we can think of something. Or much rather Ben and ShadowBlade will.
(At the force field generator)
Dragon: Well boss you certainly outdid yourself this time.
Alien Wily: Indeed I did, no force on Earth can stop me now for I am a… (Gets knocked down by a lead bubble)
Starnik: A yutz among men. We all know that.
Bubble: Not to mention a drama queen.
Dragon: What am I? Chopped liver?
Starnik: Don't feel bad I have plenty of boomerangs for you Draggy. (Fires a boomerang which clips Dragon's tail)
Dragon: Ow! That was a very expensive paint job and you're gonna pay for that!
Starnik: Blah, blah, blah! All I hear is: "I'm a whimpy girly-bot that cries to mama!"
Dragon: (Roars)Now that tears it!
(Dragon swoops at Starnik who parries and signals Ben. Who runs under the catwalk.)
Metroid: Scree! Scree!
Heat: Oh hello little friend. (Grabs the metroid)
Metroid: Scree, scree!
(Ben stuffs in a container)
Heat: You must be really hungry, you and your little buddies consumed all the life energy in the park and that still isn't enough for you eh? (Starts rewiring the force field generator forcing to work at 300% capacity)
Metroid: (Senses the power increase) SCREE! (Starts bouncing around)
Heat: Yep this sucker will overload any second now and your little friends will want to suck up all the energy.
Generator Computer: Core power output exceeding 300%, Explosion imminent. Evacuate immediate.
(Ben runs away from the force field generator, the Metroids start flocking to the generator.)
Gutsdozer: (Stops pounding the other Warriors) No! My friends! Why you hate Gutsdozer? (Sobs) It no fair!
Alien Wily: (Frees himself) What is the meaning of this ? (Gets swept by a swarm of metroids) ACK! Why you filthy little!
Starnik: (Leaps over Dragon) Flash! Now!
Flash: Okay you little creeps. Freeze!
(The metroids are frozen in place, and the overheating of the generator core causes it to explode blowing Dragon and Alien Wily into the horizon.)
Alien Wily and Dragon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Pieces of metroids fall to the ground)
Gutsdozer: No! My friends! (Sob) My pretty friends! (Starts bawling)
Crash: Poor lug, all he wanted was a friend.
Starnik: With vicious little life-sucking creatures? He sure knows how to pick them.
Pointy: But they're so cute. (Looks at the metroid Ben captured) Awwww… can I pet it?
Metroid: Scree! Scree! Scree!
Heat: You're upsetting it you little spaz.
Pointy: Can I at least name it? How does 'Bob' sound?
Heat: No… (Starts walking)
Pointy: (Follows) How about Fluffy?
Pointy: Fluffy it is?
(Later at the compound)
Heat: Okay morons, I secured the metro…
Pointy: Its name is FLUFFY!
Heat: I secured 'Fluffy' in a safe place where it'll never be released again.
Starnik: Thank heaven.
Heat: I'm going to Radio Shack to get some parts so I'll warn you again. DON'T GO INTO MY WORKSHOP!
Bubble: No worries Ben.
Crash: I think we all learned our lesson here.
Heat: Good, I am not in the mood for another fiasco like this 'Metroid Madness'. (Slams door as he walks out)
(Koala and Pharon get up along with Pointy)
Crash: And where are you three going?
Koala: Up to Ben's workshop.
Pharon: Wonder what else he has up there.
Bubble: (Sigh) Some people never learn.